DMZ · December 22, 2003 at 12:18 pm · Filed Under Mariners 

Minutes and Official USS Mariner Pizza Feed Wrap-Up

We took a survey.

1. How many games will the Mariners in 2004?

Average answer was 86, which is pretty pessimistic. Low was 75 (owwwwww). Almost everyone was around 86-87, though.

2. Where will the Mariners finish in the AL West?

Second. 4 firsts, 12 2nds, 10 3rds, 1 4th.

3. Will Bob Melvin receive a contract extension after 2004?

Yes, almost universally

4. Will Derek Zumsteg be named GM during your lifetime?


Remarks on question 5:

And man, what a bunch of wise-acres you all are. I’m half-inclined not to even post some of the responses here (Jason’s wife, for instance, wrote “No, but Jason will!”), but unfortunately for my pride, you were also too funny to not post.

“No, even if I am immortal.” (well, I’m not, so that sort of limits things either way) “Depends on how long I live.” “No, and not in anyone else’s either.” And the “No, but he might win a Counterstrike dork tourney.” (I don’t haven’t played Counterstrike in a year!)

Some were merciful enough to not say anything.

Only Conor had faith! Oh yes, some of you said “No, unfortunately” and be assured you will be first in line for Official Endorsements in the future, but Conor said “yes”. He thought I might become Seattle’s Theo Epstein. Hooray for Conor, Official Survey Participant of the U.S.S. Mariner.

5. Favorite Mariners varied greatly, but ran towards Pineiro, Boone, Edgar, and Soriano. Least favorite Mariner was McCracken, which is ill news for a new acquisition.

We also had a conspiracy theory contest to see who could come up with the best explanation for the off-season moves.

Official First-Place Conspiracy Theory: Stephen Nelson, of Steve’s Mariners and Other Stuff, spun at first a wild tale in which the Mariners and MLB conspired to allow the Expos to move to Japan. His tale quickly spun out of control, like all good conspiracy theories, encompassing Google (through blogger) driving the off-season moves to increase traffic to M’s blogs, and finally a Boston-led sub-conspiracy where everyone (except the Yankees, presumably). Stephen Nelson, who answered the “Will Derek Zumsteg be named GM during your lifetime?” answered “Since I’m planning to spend eternity in heaven, there is no finite answer.”

Clearly we should have been more specific with Mr. Nelson’s survey. Mr. Nelson wins a valuable prize.

Official runners-up:

Ethnic cleansing.

They want a share of that sweet revenue sharing money.

One of these was by Chris Colon, the other by Matt Brignall (I believe), though unfortunately my notes are not good enough to indicate which was which. They win a year’s subscription the U.S.S. Mariner.

It was also suggested at several points that the Mariners team doctors had failed Omar’s knee for different reasons:

– they knew the deal was awful

– the team, seeing public reaction wasn’t as enthusiastic as they’d thought it would be, instructed them to find an excuse to veto the deal

The different crowd-attention-getting techniques of Mr. Cameron and Mr. Zumsteg were compared and contrasted.

Officially Endorsed Announcers Pat Dillon (Everett Aquasox) and Mike Curto (Tacoma Rainiers) were gracious enough to answer audience questions about their work and baseball in general. Pete Livengood’s phone rang and he took the call, after which he asked Mr. Curto the same question Mr. Curto had answered while Livengood was on the phone describing his location and his current activities (that is, attending a feed where Mr. Curto was answering questions).

In short, a good time was had by everyone asked. There were calls to repeat this event, possibly at a game. Some realized that I am indeed a bit insane, while Jason’s a perfectly normal guy and Dave is a fount of baseball knowledge and should be snapped up by some team with a brain who wants to do a better job with player development.


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