Team meeting

Dave · September 30, 2004 at 7:49 pm · Filed Under Mariners 

In case you don’t read Jeff Sullivan’s blog (you’re missing out, really), read this. Sometimes, a good laugh cures a lot of ills.

Melvin: “We’ve all been in the big leagues long enough to know that losing 100 games stinks.”
Ichiro: “257?”
Dobbs: “Speak for yourself, coach.”
Reed: “Yeah, what are you talking about?”
Bloomquist: “Simmer down, guys, the skipper’s talking to you.”
Melvin: “Any veteran in the clubhouse can tell you just how tough it is, I mean psychologically, to lose 100 games. It can break your spirit.”
Boone: “Hey, I can put a spoon on my nose!”
Ichiro: “257.”
Melvin: “It reflects poorly on you guys, it reflects poorly on me.”
Boone: “Wait, no I can’t.”
Melvin: “I can’t speak towards my future with this organization, but a lot of you guys are near the end of your careers, and nobody wants to retire after losing 100 games.”
Reed: “Do you even know my name?”
Boone: “Why won’t it stick?”
Melvin: “I mean, do you think Edgar wants to leave on a sour note? All he wanted was one last shot at a ring, but things haven’t exactly worked out like we thought they would.”
Ibanez: “You have to lick it first.”
Melvin: “You’ve got to do it for yourselves. Everyone in this clubhouse has a lot of pride in their big league careers, both present and past.”
Dobbs: “Dude.”
Ichiro: “250, and 7.”
Boone: “It’s still not sticking.”
Melvin: “We know what we can do at this level. We haven’t done it most of the season, but if we play at the level I know we can for the rest of the year, then we can end on a good note and avoid those 100 losses.”
Ibanez: “No, no, that’s too much. Just a little moisture.”


9 Responses to “Team meeting”

  1. Paul Covert on September 30th, 2004 8:56 pm

    Melvin: “I mean, look at Bobby. Bobby threw 133 pitches last night.”

    Madritsch: “138.”

    Meche: “Hey, coach, I bet I could throw 140.”

    Pineiro: “So could I, if I wasn’t on the DL.”

    Bloomquist: “Hey, where’s Edgar going?”

    Edgar (slowly and emphatically): “I am taking my geoduck to Puyallup.” (leaves)

  2. Joe C. in Buffalo on October 1st, 2004 4:09 am

    As a reader of this in Easter Time, it is starting my work day…. and what a great start it is. I’ll be thinking of additions all days.

    Bloomquist: Mr. Boone, I think if you…

    Boone: Shut up.

    Bloomquist: Dobbs, Reed, we really should be…

    Boone, Dobbs, Reed: Shut up!

  3. Greg on October 1st, 2004 8:59 am

    this wasn’t funny at all. you must like SNL, too. And Margaret Cho.

  4. Troy on October 1st, 2004 9:58 am

    To each his own eh Greg? I thought it was funny guys, but I’m a sucker for anything ripping Melvin and Bloomquist. Well done Sullivan.

  5. Nadav on October 1st, 2004 10:01 am

    For more end-of-season humor, check out Caple’s latest West Coast Bias column:

  6. dmc on October 1st, 2004 10:21 am

    I thought it was funny too. And, as a matter of fact, I love Margaret Cho.

  7. sidereal on October 1st, 2004 10:38 am

    Hilarious, as is the Cho and any SNL pre-1993.

    But I’d bet a dozen Kremes that Raul Ibanez has never said the word ‘moisture’ in his entire life.

  8. Evan on October 1st, 2004 10:54 am

    So begins the quest to get Raul Ibanez to say “moisture” on camera.

  9. Jim Thomsen on October 1st, 2004 1:04 pm

    Bloomquist (in frantic bid for attention): “I AM BLOOMHOLIO! Are you threatening me? I come from Lake Titicaca! The streets will flow with the blood of the unbelievers!”