DMZ · October 31, 2004 at 8:28 pm · Filed Under Off-topic ranting 

I’m not picky about these things. I went as a baseball player year after year. And I think it’s important to teach kids that they can satisfy their sugar craving through implied blackmail.

But this year, in my new digs, we’ve seen a lot more trick-or-treaters of the “sullen teen with jeans and backwards-cap” costume.

If you’re going to trick or treat late into life, I’m okay with that. But put some effort into it, please. When I answer the door in a hooded sweatshirt and messed-up hair because I’ve been at the keyboard all day and my haggard writer costume is better than whatever they have on, it’s embarassing for us both.


28 Responses to “Costumes”

  1. David J Corcoran on October 31st, 2004 9:02 pm

    Ha! I agree.
    Do not worry, I managed to dress up as a perfect George Bush impersonation, with my friends dressed up as Secret Servicemen, all the while carrying a wireless enabled laptop such that I can tap into neighbor’s wireless networks such that I can keep up on any new happenings.

  2. Coach on October 31st, 2004 9:02 pm

    Ah, Derek. You evidently don’t understand the contemporary concept of “entitlement”. They only appeared sullen. Actually, it was their subtle way of guarding their self esteem against the disappointment that you weren’t passing out DVD’s.

  3. David J Corcoran on October 31st, 2004 9:05 pm

    DVDs??? That ruins Halloween! Sugar. Sugar man. Sugar is the key to success in life. Sugar is necessary. You must give sugar on halloween

    All hail King Sugar!

  4. DMZ on October 31st, 2004 9:36 pm

    You might actually want to cut down on the sugar there.

  5. John in NV on October 31st, 2004 9:44 pm

    I loved the replacement chants this year on behalf of their president. Rather than “trick or treat,” the sullen and brainwashed youths in my largely Mormon neighborhood said “1-2-3 Kerrey sucks” in reference to my yard sign — of course, after getting the sugar from me. Later the sign silently took the beating on behalf of Sen. Kerrey. Nice…

  6. John in NV on October 31st, 2004 9:47 pm

    Yes, that’s Kerry. Bob Kerrey on Larry King tonight is not actually on the ballot.

  7. RSJ on October 31st, 2004 9:51 pm

    To speak on behalf of the sullen youths…we’ve become collectively disenchanted with the status of our slowly crumbling society and the realization that the preceding generation has damaged the earth to the extent that our generation will be useful for nothing other than cleaning it up. The preceding generation was called the Baby Boomers. We’re the Custodians of the Future.

  8. John in NV on October 31st, 2004 10:00 pm

    By the sullen youth, we’re talking about the losers who are 16+, still trick or treating, and don’t seem particularly grateful, pleasant or happy. We’re not deriding everyone under the age of 50 or even 15. The upcoming generation will have as much value as any. Point taken about the earth but history lesson needed by the way: baby boomers = born prior to early 1960s… Is everyone after that a Custodian?

  9. kenshin on October 31st, 2004 10:06 pm

    “Custodians of the future” = too young to have a receding hairline

  10. Bruce on October 31st, 2004 10:17 pm

    The sullen youths can have the candy — it comes in bags too big to try to save it only for the little tykes in my neighborhood — but next year please leave my kids’ pumpkins on the porch.

  11. Chris S. on October 31st, 2004 11:40 pm

    I can only hope #7 is joking.

    In trick-or-treat related news, we were giving out starboost lollipops tonight and I tried one. One of the most artificial, concentrated sugar tasting treats of delicious wonderment I’ve had in a while

  12. RSJ on November 1st, 2004 12:00 am

    I was joking…

  13. Dork on November 1st, 2004 12:42 am

    When a friend of mine lived in an inner-city neighborhood, he stopped handing out after about 7:30 because it was nothing but 16-18 year olds asking for candy. It’s like the panhandling kids wearing more $$$ in clothes and trendy hoops and other body-piercing geegaws than I have in my checking account. Yeah, way to go, guys, get a head start on being a life-long loser.

    Ahem. How about that Hargrove!

  14. Chris Caldwell on November 1st, 2004 3:59 am

    My buddy Joe looks exactly like Quagmire from Family Guy, so we put him in a red Hawaiian shirt and fed him cheesy pick-up lines for the Sorostitutes at the bar tonight. Good times.

  15. Zzyzx on November 1st, 2004 7:25 am

    Last year I bought 5 bags of candy. 0 trick or treaters. This year I bought none. 1 person stopped by (I pretended I wasn’t home). Next year I’ll buy an emergency bag or two.

  16. Jeff Sullivan on November 1st, 2004 8:55 am

    The thing to do here in Hartford is throw a bunch of eggs, apples, and rocks at cars driving through the ghetto.

    It’s unnerving.

  17. Todd on November 1st, 2004 9:08 am

    Last year I had a grand total of two trick-or-treaters here in West Seattle, one of whom was the sullen uncostumed type (perhaps 13 or 14 years old).

    He was absolutely the worst trick-or-treater I’ve ever seen.

    I opened the door, and he stood there silently staring at me. So I stared back. Finally I said, “well?” He stared at me again. I said, “Aren’t you going to say trick or treat?” “Uunn” was his response. Although I had tons of unused candy, I gave him only a single piece just to get his lame-ass off my porch.

  18. David J Corcoran on November 1st, 2004 9:18 am

    I had no trick or treaters this year. 🙁

    So I ate all the candy myself.

  19. David J Corcoran on November 1st, 2004 9:21 am

    Re #5: Kerry Sucks? Isn’t the word “sucks” not a Mormon thing to say?

    Shame on those dumb kids.
    Vote for Kerry!

  20. Mark on November 1st, 2004 9:25 am

    The thing to do here in Hartford is throw a bunch of eggs, apples, and rocks at cars driving through the ghetto.

    I got that treatment in Watertown, MA once — only I was on a bicycle at the time. Luckily the egg hit the spokes of my front wheel, and not something more fragile (like my head).

    That’s the true spirit of Halloween: to commit random mayhem on people you don’t even know. Boo!

  21. David J Corcoran on November 1st, 2004 9:52 am

    Off Topic, but Houston is having a “Major Announcement” in 8 minutes. Anybody know what?

    Beltran maybe?

  22. Zzyzx on November 1st, 2004 10:07 am

    Listening now. Someone is resigning. Can’t tell who.

  23. David J Corcoran on November 1st, 2004 10:08 am

    Jerry Hunsicker

  24. David J Corcoran on November 1st, 2004 10:15 am

    That’s too bad for Houston. I always thought Hunsicker was a pretty good GM. He got Carlos Beltran cheap, removing only a couple spare parts (Extra closer and Unnecessary overrated catching prospect), fired Williams at exactly the right time, and did a pretty darned good job. He managed to sign Clemens and Pettite to bolster an already decent rotation. I wonder why he resigned?

  25. Gregor on November 1st, 2004 10:41 am

    Also off topic, but in your Former Mariner Scrub Flashback Moment of the day, Wally Backman was named the Diamondbacks’ new manager.

  26. David J Corcoran on November 1st, 2004 10:49 am

    I am thoroughly stunned that Bob Melvin was not named D’Backs namanger. I am glad he wasn’t named, because I don’t think he is a good fit for that organization. He would be a good manager for a team like the Yankees, where the manager is sort of pointless.

  27. Evan on November 1st, 2004 11:11 am

    Here’s a story I got from a friend of mine in DC:
    Two trick-or-treaters come to my door. Both young girls. Both dressed in red. One has horns. I assume they are devil-girls or something and the one girl without the horns lost them or didn’t want to spend the money on them or something.

    ME: Hey! Two devil-girls!
    I hand out a generous helping of candy
    THEY: Actually, we’re gothic slaves.
    ME: What!?!? How old are you?
    THEY: Eleven.
    ME: You’re too young to be a gothic slave! Get outta here!

    Sheesh. What do they teach kids these days?

    I don’t think the manager is pointless on the Yankees. Someone need to tell A-Rod the rules of the game.

  28. David J Corcoran on November 1st, 2004 11:18 am

    Well, they do turn out overrated managers. Look at Joe Torre. If he were managing any other team he would be an average manager.