Why the Mariners will win the World Series
The Mariners will win the World Series this year. Mark it down. Check your geeky sabermetric alphabet soup at the door. I have a legitimate hypothesis.
So back at Christmastime a year and a couple of months ago I persuade my Yankee-lovin’ sister to get me a Red Sox hat. I have my reasons for my admiration of the Red Sox, but fear not–it’s nothing more than that: A Platonic admiration. For real. We’re just friends.
And then Christmas morn I open the box. I’m delighted. I unfold it, put it on. Now, my Seattle hat that fits like a glove is a 7-3/8. This Sox cap has to be at least a 10, as the bill is drooping over my nose. I feel like a little kid trying on dad’s cap. I check the size tag, and there you go, it says 7-3/8. Something’s fishy.
Sarah (that’s my Yankee-fied sister) feels terrible as she’s the empathetic, perfectionist sort. At least, I don’t think I heard any sinister giggles from her direction. That wouldn’t be completely out of character for her. We go to the mall. Exchange the cap for a style more suited to my small head. And everyone goes home happy.
Until a couple of days later, when after wearing my new Red Sox cap for a day or two, my forehead breaks out. A huge, nickel-sized collection right in the middle of my forehead. A friend asks what I bumped my head on. So I confront Sarah: “Did you curse my hat?”
Sarah: “Nope. It was the Bambino.” That’s a direct quote.
And then the Red Sox win the World Series.
So what do I ask for this past year for Christmas from the sweet sister? A new Mariners cap. What is it when I pull it from the box? Only 14 sizes too big. So again, we’re off to the mall where there in Tulsa, OK they have an entire wall of New York Yankee hats, floor to ceiling, of assorted styles and colors, most never intended for baseball apparrel. One may have even been edible. I can’t remember. After much searching, I finally discovered the corner of the store containing the single Mariner cap they have available. It’s the same gray one I have in my hand. Not acceptable.
I eventually found what I wanted on the store’s website. My retro ’77 Seattle hat came in the mail a couple weeks back. You can bet that once it’s warm enough, I’ll be sporting it day in and day out through the season in support of my Mariners and explaining to the good, simple citizens of Kentucky where I live just what exactly that yellow pitchfork-looking thing is. And doing it all happily.
Because it means the Mariners are winning the World Series this year.