What got cut

DMZ · March 14, 2005 at 1:03 am · Filed Under Mariners 

(ahh, Cheap Seats…)

In the Washington Nationals team essay (p253, not the back-of-the-book history), between “.. wanted to slap them one last time while they had the chance” and “There were many reasons the team was in such sad shape…” one of the editors of BP2005 cut this:

BP’s own Jonah Keri is a Quebecois, and the most optimistic, happy, and generally pleasant person I’ve ever known in my life. He was a lifelong Expos fan. Year after year, he took the team’s fortunes in stride, laughed at the slings and arrows of outrageous mismanagement. At the end of the season when I tracked him down to talk about the year, I found him staggering through the streets of Montreal, drinking from a giant bottle of cheap, cheap red wine and shouting at passers-by, gesturing at them threateningly with a half-eaten baguette. “You can’t humiliate us fans without having us sneak around with other teams… teams that… that make us feel wanted, like a fan should! I know! (hic) I saw me do it!”

Then he vomited on a mime and punched out a gendarme, but that’s not important.


10 Responses to “What got cut”

  1. paul mocker on March 14th, 2005 7:08 am

    I met Jonah at a BP Pizza Feed in Los Angeles. His passion for baseball resounded in the first minute of hearing him talk. I hope the demise of his beloved team does not force him away from the game. I hope he still has the enthusiasm and love for the game in spite of being hurt by those who run it.

  2. Jake Brake on March 14th, 2005 10:59 am

    Then he vomited on a mime and punched out a gendarme, but that’s not important.

    Hilarious! If the editors wouldn’t cut out stuff like this, I might be more inclined to read BP. The story about Jonah illustrates the plight of the Expos better than anything else, even if it’s not entirely “appropriate.”

  3. Matt Williams on March 14th, 2005 11:02 am

    Then he vomited on a mime and punched out a gendarme

    Silly Canadians. Always doing things backwards.

  4. Nintendo Marios on March 14th, 2005 12:45 pm

    I read that essay last night – brilliant! Even with the cut, it is a seldom seen feat of essayist derring-do to illuminate elephants in the room while simultaneously pillorying the men trying to pull the plug on the lamp. That piece deserves widespread distribution but is so dead-on it won’t get it.

  5. Evan on March 14th, 2005 2:04 pm

    I also read that essay over the weekend. It was an entertaining and incisive review of what complete weasels Selig and Loria were (which I already knew, but I enjoy having the story told).

    It’s a shame you left. I have a feeling Angelos and the Orioles will be needing something similar before long.

    And the Québecois would never drink cheap wine. They’d be more likely to turn to the incredibly strong beer (10.5%) they brew there.

  6. David on March 14th, 2005 2:36 pm

    Throw in something about secession, Lucien Bouchard, the Bloc Quebecois, or all of the above, and you’d have all the makings of a Canadian Politics Small-Talk Moment (ask for it by name!).

  7. Jason Lake on March 14th, 2005 4:17 pm

    If I were editing BP, I’d cut that section, too. It’s culturally insensitive – and also incorrect. All the stereotypes mentioned are from France, not Quebec. Replace the baguette with a “Jos & Louis” (pronounced “Joe Louie”) pastry and the wine with a can of Pepsi, and you’ll be closer to insulting the right people.

  8. Tangotiger on March 15th, 2005 7:23 am

    I agree with Jason, David, and Evan. And don’t forget the poutine.


    Which reminds me. When Bush was first running for office, he came to Canada. And we have a show called “This Hour is 22 Minutes”, with some really funny people, including Rick Mercer. Anyway, he always finds a way to ask bigwigs like Bush funny questions. (Think of it like The Daily Show with Jon Stewart, but funnier.) And he kept asking Bush, “Are you going to meet the Prime Minister Jean Poutine? What are you going to say to Jean Poutine?” And on and on. And Bush kept answering him, completely oblivious that the name of the PM is Jean Chretien.

  9. Jonah Keri on March 15th, 2005 8:24 am

    Meh, you can still get plenty of great baguette in Quebec.

    I loved this passage too–high comedy, yet weirdly flattering. 🙂 DZ’s Nats chapters and back-of-book essay were both tremendous, couldn’t agree more.

    And not to worry, I’ll do my best to get drunk on cheap wine for y’all at next weekend’s book signing:

    Lake Forest Park (WA), Sat Mar 26

    Saturday, March 26 @ 6:00pm
    Third Place Books
    1717 Bothwell Way NE
    Lake Forest Park, WA 98155
    Author: Jonah Keri

    I’ll also be apartment hunting that weekend, as I recently found out I’ll be living among you fine folks in the great city of Seattle, starting in June. Derek may make an M’s fan of me yet.

  10. Evan on March 15th, 2005 5:01 pm

    I’ll smuggle you down some Unibroue.