Jeff’s Limerick-free Mariner Preview

Jeff · March 24, 2005 at 6:50 am · Filed Under Mariners 

The Mariners preview I wrote is up now at The Hardball Times. It has no poetry, but does feature a Magic 8 Ball.

These are the first few paragraphs:

“When a Pacific Northwest salmon dies, it doesn’t fool around. The magnificent beast struggles home to its natal stream, where it dramatically flails, expires and rots.

The resultant stench is among the worst things you’ll ever smell, something like rotten eggs baked in the sun. Worse, your dog will roll in it and stink gloriously for the whole summer.

Kind of like the Mariners did last year.”


13 Responses to “Jeff’s Limerick-free Mariner Preview”

  1. bilbo on March 24th, 2005 9:57 am

    don’t quit your day job.

  2. Paul on March 24th, 2005 10:20 am

    Good rounded analysis, well written theme also.

  3. Jeff on March 24th, 2005 11:14 am

    Bilbo: I won’t. Any specific criticisms?

    Oh, and for the record: Gleeman wrote the blurb at the end about USSM, not me. Flattering, but it made me blush.

  4. Milorad V on March 24th, 2005 11:38 am

    Admirable blurb-ation. My thanks to God (or whomever) that it wasn’t
    written in sonnet-form or as a sestina…
    I thought the dying salmon analogy was particularly deft and satisfying.

  5. bilbo on March 24th, 2005 11:44 am

    Just a friendly jab. I actually found it creative and well-written but a bit pessimistic for my taste. Injuries are very difficult to predict and can set back any team. Heck, Vlad has a history of back problems so it is possible he could go down for an extended period and take the Angels hopes with him.
    Granted, Reese, Piniero and Guardado are obvious high-risks for injury but IMO the M’s have done a good job adding depth to overcome any potential injuries. If Pokey gets hurt, you lose some defense but it opens the door for Lopez. If Guardado goes down, Putz has shown he can fill the spot. Piniero would have the biggest negative affect, but adequate short-term replacements exist in Campillo/Baek/Franklin(if Sele takes his spot) and maybe even opens the door for Felix.
    I look at it this way: If the M’s have a healthy year, what should we expect from them. If they don’t, how many games will it cost them? Are they gonna win the WS? probably not. Do they have a chance to contend in the ALW? I believe they have improved enough to make it interesting.

  6. Jeff on March 24th, 2005 11:49 am

    Yeah, I’m getting a lot of feedback that says it’s overly pessimistic. I think that’s my fault for putting the two negative questions/answers before the three fairly positive ones.

  7. PositivePaul on March 24th, 2005 12:02 pm

    Did you REALLY use a magic 8 ball? MY magic 8 ball says very good things about the M’s this year, and MY magic 8 ball can beat up YOUR magic 8 ball.


    I don’t see it as pessimistic. I see it as pretty fair and balanced, and we have more reason to actually be a little more optimistic before this season than we did before last. In spite of coming off of a 99-loss year as opposed to a 69-loss season before 2004…

  8. John in L.A. on March 24th, 2005 12:02 pm

    I thought it was great. Thanks.

    (I didn’t think it was overly pessimistic at all. I actually thought it looked at some serious liabilities in a nice, non-funereal way.)

    The only “criticism” I have at all is incredibly minor – there are a few typos. That’s it.

  9. chaney on March 24th, 2005 12:07 pm

    “Joel Pineiro, a linchpin of the team’s hopes, can’t play long-toss without pain.”

    Since Joel went down with shoulder soreness, he’s pitched at least one bullpen session, and a few innings in a minor league game. He’s reported no pain after either, and the team is now working on getting his pitch count up so he can join the team mid-April.

  10. Jeff on March 24th, 2005 12:15 pm

    I guess that gives away the fact that I wrote this around the 10th, huh? 😉

  11. Adam S on March 24th, 2005 3:13 pm

    I thought it was fair. Yes, somewhat pessimistic but you should be to set realistic expectations about the Mariners. Between the signings of Beltre, Sexson, and Reese, the view that Boone and Moyer have to rebound, and it being Spring with everyone starting at 0-0, there’s a lot of optimism.

    And we should be optimistic relative to the dreadful year that last year was. At the same time, the Mariners have done nothing to address their largest weakness which is the quality and health of the starting pitching.

  12. Jake Brake on March 24th, 2005 8:40 pm

    Brilliant! A most entertaining read, and good analysis.

  13. James on March 25th, 2005 12:39 am


    “But Mariner fans would settle simply for his arm not falling off, a la Ryan Anderson”

    If only the list stopped there…