Jeff · April 29, 2005 at 12:22 pm · Filed Under Mariners 

You know the three true outcomes. Well, here are the three noble truths of the baseball season in late April: it’s early, it’s early, it’s early.

Sportsline’s Scott Miller profiles Jamie Moyer today, and don’t they say that old people are supposed to be wise? He preaches just that gospel.

Moyer comes off much as you’d expect: cerebral, straightforward, humble. He’s quick to point out that we can’t draw firm conclusions about where the season is headed yet, especially as regards his own performance. Bonus points are awarded for pithy points like this:

“I’ve only pitched in five games this season,” Moyer says. “You haven’t given me a chance to give up 44 home runs in five games.”


We also have a clubhouse leader for the Tom Friedman Award in Nonsensical Metaphor. Quoth Miller:

Granted, if you look at the season like an M&M, we haven’t even broken the candy coating yet.

Really, who doesn’t look at the season like an M&M? What, is Miller taking an Amstrong Williams style payoff from the Mars company?


23 Responses to “Moyer”

  1. Jeff on April 29th, 2005 12:28 pm

    And yes, I know that “like” makes the M&M comparison a simile, not a metaphor. The Friedman Award is all-encompassing in its guidelines.

  2. Chris Begley on April 29th, 2005 12:33 pm

    Of course he also says the only thing keeping Bavasi from straight A’s was his failure to sign Carl Pavano so…

  3. Scott on April 29th, 2005 12:34 pm

    Actually, a simile is a type of metaphor. You’re off the hook, Jeff.

    This message has been brought to you by your friendly local English teacher. The passive voice is used in all our announcements.

  4. Christian on April 29th, 2005 1:16 pm


    Are you referring to Thomas Friedman of the Old York Times?

  5. Jeff on April 29th, 2005 1:17 pm

    The very same, Christian. Tom “I stayed at a Holiday Inn Express last night in Afghanistan, so the world is flat” Friedman.

  6. Christian on April 29th, 2005 1:29 pm

    so are you more of the conservative persuasion like myself?

  7. DMZ on April 29th, 2005 1:42 pm

    let’s nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooot go down this road, shall we?

  8. Jeff on April 29th, 2005 1:44 pm

    In the interests of keeping the baseball blog blessedly free of political discussion, I’ll just say we represent a diverse array of perspectives, and that I will generally make fun of anyone I think is silly.

  9. Brian Rust on April 29th, 2005 1:49 pm

    So make fun of Miller. That M&M thing is nothing if not silly.

  10. Brian Rust on April 29th, 2005 1:50 pm

    And Miller left out any mention of the notebook Moyer keeps on all the hitters he faces. That’s gotta help his success.

  11. Brett Farve on April 29th, 2005 1:55 pm

    Granted, if you look at the season like a Heathcliff Slocumb appearance, we haven’t even thrown a strike yet.

  12. Christian on April 29th, 2005 1:58 pm

    sorry guys I regretted asking about politics as soon as I saw it up on the screen

  13. rockymariner on April 29th, 2005 1:59 pm

    The M&M thing is completely silly. I mean c’mon it’s really more complex than that, like a Babe Ruth……..right?

  14. msb on April 29th, 2005 2:14 pm

    #13– yah, layered, you know… like an onion. or a Baby Ruth.

  15. msb on April 29th, 2005 2:23 pm

    Non-Moyer link– “Lou Piniella has forgotten more baseball than Curt Schilling knows? Here’s the top 10 list of things he can’t remember.”
    from Jim Caple:

  16. Brett Farve on April 29th, 2005 2:58 pm

    Did Miller put in a link to M&M’s dot com like you? Maybe YOU are the one getting paid off…

  17. msb on April 29th, 2005 3:03 pm

    you know, those new Dare To Go To The Dark Side m&ms are pretty darned good….

  18. Jeff on April 29th, 2005 3:04 pm

    I was just so impressed that someone would devote such an extensive and complex website to colorful sugary lumps that I had to include a link.

    Pay no attention to the chocolate-flavored check I am currently eating. Mmmm, payolicious …

  19. Brett Farve on April 29th, 2005 3:14 pm

    Glad to see this thread still has a pulse. Here’s the worst comment from the Miller piece:

    “You can understand why ambitious, shooting-star talents such as Johnson position themselves to play with a winner year in and year out.”

    And I thought The Big Unit just took the money.

  20. Tim on April 29th, 2005 3:22 pm

    I think I have a cyber crush on Jeff. Once again, his witty style has me chuckling to myself. Why did I click on the Mars link? I just had to, I don’t know why.

  21. Itea on April 29th, 2005 5:03 pm

    This is off-topic, but have there ever been so many Cy Young Awards starting in one night before?

  22. smith on April 30th, 2005 11:25 am

    Woooohoooo! I get to see King Felix for the first time tonight!

  23. vj on May 1st, 2005 6:53 am

    How timely: One day after the article, Jamie delivers his worst start of the season.