Dave · June 2, 2005 at 10:08 pm · Filed Under Off-topic ranting 

Totally non-Mariners related, but since it was a day off, and the season hasn’t been roses and chocolates, I figure we could all use a laugh. And, honestly, this is one of the funniest things I’ve ever read. If you read Bill Simmons regularly on ESPN, you’ve probably heard of Paul Shirley, the white guy who sits on the bench for the Phoenix Suns and wrote some amazingly funny stuff during his run as a blogger during the regular season.

Well, I hadn’t realized that they brought him back for a playoff blog, so I was doing some catching up, reading through a few entries. And his entry on height had me rolling. Here’s a few of the highlights:

Most of my colleagues are quite tall. I am no exception at 6’10”. When in captivity, on the basketball court, I am able to easily forget the fact that my bones are stretched to an extraordinary length because I am surrounded by other members of the freak show. Not so when I am released into the wild. Then, I am forced to remember… by stupid people.

First, let’s start with the obvious. Telling me I am really tall is not a great conversation starter. It’s like walking up to a well-endowed girl in a bar and telling her she has nice breasts — it’s, A) creepy, and B) obvious. She’s heard it before. It is not a new tactic and is not going to lead to a conversation that ends well. The same (sort of) is true for me. The only possible response available to me is, “And you’re really smart.” The encounter basically marks the asker as an idiot and me as a bastard.

These are all more tolerable, though, than the nearly-out-of-earshot comment. Oftentimes, when I walk by, I will hear whispers: “Wow, look how tall he is,” or “That guy is really tall.” It’s as if, by being tall, I was not blessed with fully functional ears. Were these people not taught how to use their inner monologues? Yes, I am quite tall, but I know that. Any observation to that effect by others should be kept on the inside, unless the participants are willing to bear the consequences. I don’t go around saying everything that is on my mind, but I could. If I did, the airways would be full of, “Well, now that guy is an example of why they made abortion legal,” and, “Why, exactly, were those two people allowed to procreate?” I think we are all better off with my silence so, no more height questions.

You have to read the whole thing.


11 Responses to “Levity”

  1. Rob on June 2nd, 2005 10:22 pm

    Ahhh something funny to read. Great link 😀

    I dont know why people like to point out he is tall. I guess I am just used to being around tall people(6’2, brother is 6’6, went to highscool with 6’9 andy sicso). I mean ya they are tall, but it is like pointing at somebody and going, damnnnnn they are fat. I haven’t see a fatty like that in MONTHS!

    Oh well, to each their own.

  2. Mr. Egaas on June 2nd, 2005 10:37 pm

    Daily occurance. Being 6’7″ and walking around the UW campus on a daily basis. Good read. 🙂

  3. Scraps on June 3rd, 2005 12:04 am

    I couldn’t get past the fat woman bashing, I’m afraid, which was loudly, lengthily, and lamely unoriginal.

  4. Conor Glassey on June 3rd, 2005 12:37 am

    Rob – Eastlake or Redmond?

  5. Paul Covert on June 3rd, 2005 12:40 am

    Reminds me of a friend of mine, who had been a successful competitive wrestler in his college days, and who had put on a few extra pounds over the course of his adult life.

    One day he walks into a Safeway, and nearly bumps into this really tall guy. They look at each other, and each does a double-take. The following conversation (shown here in its entirety) then ensues:

    Tall guy: Six-nine.
    My friend: Two-eighty-five.

    And they go on their separate ways, never to meet again.

  6. Gunga on June 3rd, 2005 4:48 am

    Paul – Now that’s a great story.

  7. urchman on June 3rd, 2005 8:59 am

    Thanks for the link — I’d read Paul Shirley’s first series back in March, and didn’t know he’d done some more stuff since then. Reading it was a good accompaniment to my drinking my cup of coffee. 🙂

  8. Evan on June 3rd, 2005 9:48 am

    I have a friend who is both really tall and really heavy.

    People always fixate on the tall. Sure, the man’s 6-9, but is that any more surprising than his weighing 380?

  9. Rob on June 3rd, 2005 10:33 am


    Redmond, graduated in 01. Andy sisco for those who didn’t know, was supposed to go to eastlake highschool. He got permission to go to Redmond(as a lot of people from eastlake do). Then attends the 10th and 11th grade at redmond. Now everybody knows he is a big prospect now(got the full ride to Miami), but he goes BACK to eastlake highschool his senior year, because they had a better team.

  10. AK1984 on June 3rd, 2005 1:24 pm

    Re. #3:

    Some of Paul Shirely’s comments are toward prudish sorts such as yourself. As it is, people need to be more libertine in both their attitudes and actions.

  11. AK1984 on June 3rd, 2005 1:25 pm

    *Shirley* (Spelling Error)