Spiezio on the PI pages

DMZ · August 18, 2005 at 10:41 am · Filed Under Mariners 

Jim Moore writes a column not on anything related to sports but instead drools over Spiezio’s tattoo of his girlfriend, who, from reading the article, Moore finds quite attractive.

When I asked Spiezio what he liked about Jenn, he said: “What first attracted me to her was her looks. I thought she was going to be stuck up, but she was opposite of what I thought. We have a lot of things in common.”

Yeah, like neither of you can hit major league pitching.

Which brings us to my bit in the PI this week, where I write about how Spiezio isn’t just awful, he is all-time historically awful and has a chance to set some crazy records. Check it out.


71 Responses to “Spiezio on the PI pages”

  1. troy on August 18th, 2005 2:51 pm

    Felix will undoubtedly finish the year with a higher ERA than Spiezio’s BA. Optimistically Felix might finish with an ERA in the low 2’s. Spiezio would have to go Joe Dimaggio on us to reach the low 200’s by the end of the year.

  2. troy on August 18th, 2005 2:53 pm

    51 obviously assumes that we are fudging with the decimal point.

  3. Milorad V on August 18th, 2005 3:18 pm

    I’m getting to this late, I realize, but my god that tattoo is horrific. I feel shame (the shame he clearly does not feel) regarding it. The Spezio Line, yes, but for shockingly bad taste not hyper-abyssmal BA.

  4. Milorad V on August 18th, 2005 3:28 pm

    Additionally, The Go-To-Guy is an utter buffoon. That his column continues to see print is a constant source of bafflement to me. Whatever his imaginary function may be: lightness, humor, the glib voice of Joe Six-Pack…he fails. FAILS. He is as clever in the paper as Spezio is dangerous in the box.

  5. Dash on August 18th, 2005 3:41 pm

    So isn’t one of the first rules when getting a tattoo to never get your girlfriend’s name inked onto you because that destines the relationship to failure? So what happens when you put your girlfriend on your arm? I see this relationship ending in a failure of epic proportions.

  6. dmc on August 18th, 2005 3:44 pm


    Points taken. Spiezio is not only harder to spell, it’s not nearly as euphonious. And, indeed, nobody is THAT bad. Then again, it’s that much more momentous when an unassailable benchmark is actually hit.

  7. msb on August 18th, 2005 3:44 pm

    Dash said: “So isn’t one of the first rules when getting a tattoo to never get your girlfriend’s name inked onto you because that destines the relationship to failure?”

    I believe it is akin to the actress takes married name/failure of marriage ratio….

  8. jaketrash on August 18th, 2005 4:10 pm

    Just saw the picture. Despite the fun derived by the DMZ article I am definitely back to booing even on the bench or in Chicago and it won’t be for the on-field performance.

  9. mln on August 18th, 2005 4:28 pm

    I wonder who is worse: Scott Spiezo or the Kansas City Royals?

    It would be cool of Spiezo could set the record for all-time lowest batting average. It would be like Ichiro hitting .400–only in reverse.

    And, best of all, the Mariners’ managment could promote this like they did with Ichiro’s hits record or Edgar retiring last year. It would give fans another great reason to come to Safeco Field in Sept.!

    Go Spazio! .001 BA is doable!

  10. DMZ on August 18th, 2005 4:31 pm

    I actually wrote a long digression about how the M’s could promote Spiezio’s pursuit of the record, with fan participation games and stuff, and the powers that be (wisely) decided that maybe when I did my rewrite I should consider focusing more on other topics.

  11. twig on August 18th, 2005 4:41 pm

    the tattoo is worse than his batting average

  12. Metz on August 18th, 2005 4:47 pm

    boy….that is one ugly tat…thanks (or not) for posting the picture.

  13. Xteve X on August 18th, 2005 4:55 pm

    Damn … that tattoo’s hideous.

    So Jim Moore’s moved on to Scott Speizio after having his lips surgically removed from Calvin Booth’s sphincter. What is this guy, the patron saint of no-talent Seattle athletes? And if so, when can I expect a WFB column?

  14. Kit Boots on August 18th, 2005 6:14 pm

    So, the girlfriend is a “model”. Hmmm. Wonder how they met.

  15. Skeeter Shelton on August 18th, 2005 6:48 pm

    He looks like a good hitter to me.

  16. Bela Txadux on August 18th, 2005 9:24 pm

    That P-I piece is a larf, Derek. If the Ms are going to continue to reside in the La-La-Land where ABs actually go to Spiezio, let’s ‘play it for real’ and do some ‘serious analysis’ regarding records and ‘goals.’ If the team can’t be shamed, we can at least laugh at their expanse of expense. *Yawwwk*

  17. world series on August 18th, 2005 10:16 pm

    There’s room for .043 Baby…! on her halter top. Can he add that in on his next trip to the parlour?

  18. Shannon/seattlepi.com on August 18th, 2005 10:31 pm

    Good grief! I’m overwhelmed with requests for this silly photo, so I’ve added it to Moore’s column. You can see it in full, nauseating color at http://www.seattlepi.com/photos/photo.asp?PhotoID=71440. Happy viewing!

  19. DMZ on August 18th, 2005 11:17 pm


  20. dad on August 18th, 2005 11:47 pm

    Wow. I think I can detect the outline of pubic hair, shaved into the shape of a heart. Pure class.

  21. Sinking Mariner on August 25th, 2005 7:37 pm

    While grinning for that cheesy photo, Scott fails to mention one small detail- he started seeing this Jenn while he was still married with two kids and a third on the way. Yeah- he’s cool.