Jeff · August 19, 2005 at 7:51 am · Filed Under Mariners 

Toronto Star columnist Richard Griffin:

Even the struggling Yankees, with all their millions and a frothed-up owner, were not able to change their landscape in a significant manner. Besides, with so many teams still alive, the only teams with any “give up” in them seem to be the Royals — and maybe the Mariners.

Hey, that’s unfair!

Ryan Franklin cares so much that he’s willing to risk having his arms plucked off by Adrian Beltre. Willie Bloomquist cares so much that he stars in those helpful instructional videos you see at the stadium. There’s no “quit” in “Ichiro,” and not just because there is no “Q” in the Japanese language.

Rick the Peanut Guy cares, I am certain.

How can this team have given up? The Jumbotron still plays that “When-the-Germans-Bombed-Pearl-Harbor” clip from Animal House on the rare occasion the M’s are within striking distance late in a game. Rick Rizzs still reminds us in the seventh inning of every 10-1 shellacking that this team never quits.

Didn’t they trade Bret Boone?

The Seattle Mariners are full of young, hungry players eager to prove themselves. Yuniesky Betancourt wants to win so badly he actually tried the hidden ball trick last night. Wiki Gonzales might be the laziest man in baseball, but he’s in Tacoma, so he doesn’t count. And if Matt Thornton didn’t retire after his performance two nights ago, when even Dave Niehaus was openly mocking him, he’s not going to just up and mail in a season.

You might have thought that Mike Hargrove had given up on winning games when he kept starting Scott Spiezio, but … okay, you’ve got me there.

Doyle doesn’t quit. He just breaks. That’s different. Joel Pineiro doesn’t quit, even though I wish he would.

If the Mariners ever do give up during a game, they should do it in style. Give the grounds crew tiny white flags to wave while dancing. Have the Moose start at second instead of Bloomquist. Pencil in a starting battery of Demetrius the Batboy and the Non-Blonde Ballgirl, whom I saw make some nice stops the other night. Or even play Spiezio regularly. Things like that.

This team, though, didn’t slog through decades of grim failure to throw in the towel now. It slogged through those decades to milk countless entertainment dollars from the pockets of people like, well, me.

And that’s not over until I say it’s over. You hear me, Toronto?


12 Responses to “Ouch”

  1. Evan on August 19th, 2005 9:58 am

    Richard Griffin’s a clown. The man has a personal vendetta against JP Ricciardi, and his analysis is often so shallow as to be two-dimensional.

  2. tangotiger on August 19th, 2005 10:10 am

    Agreed. He’s a fool. Do not associate Griffin to Toronto.

  3. Jeff on August 19th, 2005 10:18 am

    You hear me, Toronto Griffin?

  4. Russ on August 19th, 2005 10:53 am

    Are you saying that even from Toronto, one can see how bad this Mariner’s team is? I’m more depressed than ever.

  5. Kirk Hammett on August 19th, 2005 11:22 am

    Very funny post, Jeff.

  6. Milo on August 19th, 2005 12:12 pm

    Thanks Jeff, I needed a good laugh this morning.

  7. John Moltz on August 19th, 2005 12:43 pm

    For years I’ve pitched the idea of the gratuitous double play. The idea is that this is the team that turns two even when they only need one to get out of an inning. Instead of that careful lob to the second baseman who then emphatically steps on the base as if to say “ACTING!”, the Ms pull off a quick relay and a throw to first.

    After executing this a lot, you could start to blame the rules for your losing ways because they don’t let you bank outs and count them toward the next inning. “The rules discriminate against us!”

    Now, admittedly, I came up with this idea when our infield was Guillen, the Brett Boone who lives in our memories and “sure-gloved” “sweet-swinging” John Olerud. But, since you’ve already got three outs, it won’t matter when Morse and Bloomquist hurl the ball over the gigantic first baseman’s head into the stands.

    So, in conclusion, please consider the gratuitous double play. I don’t think there’s a PR downside to it.

  8. troy on August 19th, 2005 2:49 pm

    Re: #7. . .Huhwhat? Ummmm. Isn’t that like a basketball player jacking a three pointer after the buzzer sounds and complaining he was discriminated since you can’t “bank” points? In other words, wouldn’t that just make you look like an asanine whiner? I see no upside here, other than just being weird (if you can call that upside). Good PR? Ummm, no.

  9. Evan on August 19th, 2005 3:04 pm

    The only advantage I see is in getting WFB and Morse some practice in throwing to Richie.

    I mean, seriously, how do you miss that guy?

  10. ray on August 19th, 2005 4:27 pm

    Technically phonetically, there is no “Q” in English either but Japanese does have the sound of “Q”.

  11. Jeff on August 19th, 2005 7:42 pm

    There is a “Q” in the English alphabet. Japanese has the sound “kyu” but not the letter “Q”.

  12. simon on August 19th, 2005 8:15 pm

    this is an interesting article on the M’s pitching/injuries. Not sure if it was posted otherwise.