Nefarious Yankee Cheating Revealed: A USSM Special Report

Jeff · September 26, 2005 at 8:40 pm · Filed Under Mariners 

Investigative reporting isn’t dead, not even on this Mariner off-day. You suspect the worst of the Yankees, and we’re here to verify those suspicions.

Forget steroids, Bud, and eat your heart out, White Sox: the scandal of the year is neither Texas’ sign-stealing system nor Rafael Palmeiro’s favorite breakfast food. It’s the Yankees, with the help of ESPN, actively stealing runs from opponents.

As Othello might say, here’s the ocular proof from ESPN’s Gamecast. Check out the bottom of the sixth inning, where Baltimore somehow is credited with a negative run.

Yankees Cheat

How could anyone believe the Os would actually give back a run? Sosa wasn’t even in the lineup. Besides, if anyone could have scored a negative run in one inning, it would have been those Mariner teams of the early 80s.

So there you have it: indisputable proof of the pro-Yankee conspiracy emanating from Bristol. [And stealing runs while they’re up 11, no less. That’s just mean.]

My Pulitzer’s in the mail. I can feel it.


18 Responses to “Nefarious Yankee Cheating Revealed: A USSM Special Report”

  1. Todd on September 26th, 2005 8:50 pm

    As bad as the M’s have been this year, at least they are not the Orioles. Some fans have it even worse than us.

  2. EA on September 26th, 2005 9:11 pm

    Clearly the big scandal here is that the Orioles managed to score -1 runs in the 6th, yet their total score was still at 0 after the top of the 7th. What kind of shady scoreboard operators do they have in Baltimore anyway? And what would it take to get them over here?

  3. Jeff on September 26th, 2005 9:20 pm

    Weirdly, the negative run stayed in the system. Even after the Orioles scored two in the ninth, the ESPN Gamecast still only showed 1 total run for them.

    Note to self: follow baseball on Gamecast less closely.

  4. Mr. Egaas on September 26th, 2005 9:34 pm

    Haha 🙂

  5. Mat on September 26th, 2005 9:35 pm

    Brilliant reporting of a shocking, *shocking* discovery.

    I fully expect a Blue Ribbon Panel investigation into this matter.

  6. tibbar on September 26th, 2005 9:35 pm

    Dude this is just wrong. My question is what did the scoring summary say that gave them the negative run?

  7. Matt on September 26th, 2005 9:37 pm

    ESPN referred to the Yankees as “our team” in a writeup after they played the Mariners earlier this season.

    “Pineiro, Sherrill, J.J. Putz and Eddie Guardado combined to limit the Yankees to six hits. Seattle had eight hits off our pitchers.”

  8. PhilR on September 26th, 2005 9:58 pm

    to be fair, it was the AP who referred to the Yankees as “our team”, and not ESPN.

  9. eponymous coward on September 26th, 2005 10:17 pm

    I unfortunately must report that the Yankees have stolen Jeff’s Pulitzer and have given it to Tyler Kepner…

  10. TaeBo Jackson on September 26th, 2005 10:23 pm

    Oddly enough, the same person ran the game clock at the Steelers-Patriots game yesterday.

  11. Adam on September 26th, 2005 10:29 pm

    Haven’t you heard? It’s their new approach! Buying players during the offseason is sooo early 2000’s. The new fad is buying media outlets.

  12. Gomez on September 26th, 2005 11:19 pm

    9. Why Tyler, and not Mike Celizic? 😛

  13. Tom on September 26th, 2005 11:20 pm

    Field trial of MLB’s forthcoming steroid penalties?

  14. Red Ed on September 27th, 2005 2:34 am

    I was once at a game in Yankee Stadium–2001 season, Freddy vs. Clemens, M’s won 7-5–where, just as Mike Cameron was socking one out to left-center, a Yankees fan stood up and shouted, “THE BRAVES SUCK!”

    Later that day, numerous dudes in the bleachers in front of me were ejected from the stadium for bringing their own alcohol inside.

    Thus, I conclude while it’s likely to be the product of umpires bought out for cash money from the YES Network-fattened Yankee coffers, it’s just as likely to be the result of north Jersey thugs kidnapping the scorekeeper’s family.

    I’ll go on-record as an “unnamed source” in the Pulitzer article.

  15. Jean-luc Perrier on September 27th, 2005 5:10 am

    This reminds me of the time earlier this year when Ken Griffey hit a homerun “to thirdbase.”

  16. Steve on September 27th, 2005 7:18 am

    #7, #8: Actualy, the story was supposed to read “eight hits off four pitchers”.

  17. Shoeless Jose on September 27th, 2005 9:11 am

    Actually, I think that was “a run to be named later” that was part of a Yanks-O’s deal earlier in the year. Baltimore wisely decided to settle the account during a game when it wasn’t going to matter.

    Haven’t you heard? Trading players is so 20th century; they’re now trading runs. How else could Texas overtake the M’s Kingdome homerun record? They got so many from the Yankees as part of the ARod deal they’re burning them even in year they aren’t contenders. But don’t go looking for the New York’s output to drop: Steinbrenner just goes back to the bank of Selig and buys more.

    I’ll go on-record as an “unnamed source” in the Pulitzer article.
    I’ve always wanted to be an “un-indicted co-conspirator” myself.

  18. mark from Oly. wa. on September 27th, 2005 1:40 pm

    that’s great programing there. programmed for all possibilities.
    Just fantastic.