New USSM Limited Edition T-shirts up

DMZ · March 1, 2006 at 12:58 am · Filed Under Site information 

“Top Ten Reasons I’m Looking Forward to the 2006 Season”
(go buy it now)

1. Increased ticket prices mean I no longer must choose between charities vying for extra cash
2. Medically speaking, I have to wake up from this nightmare eventually
3. Placed huge pre-season bet on Oakland
4. After achieving Nirvana, both winning and losing are equally satisfying to me
5. WFB a no-hitter threat every game
6. They thought I was left handed, now I’m signed to a guaranteed 3-year, $22m deal
7. Recently suffered blunt force trauma to head, believe it’s 1996
8. Can pretend baseball is like golf, where low score wins
9. Low attendance means less competition for airgun-fired t-shirts

The tenth one varies depending on which version you want to fit your marital status:

Spouse version:
10. Spouse stops complaining about me, starts complaining about team

Singles version:
10. I’m sure to do better with fans of the opposite sex with this cool USSM-themed T-shirt

Now, we also came up with a whole bunch of top ten items that didn’t make it. If there’s massive public acclaim, we might be able to work something out for a second set or something that’ll accomodate you. They were:

11. 132 losses in two years left some hope uncrushed
12. Ballgirls no longer at risk of being hit on, if you know what I mean and unfortunately I think you do
13. Hang on, give me a second, I’m sure I can come up with ten reasons
14. Masochism
15. Three words: high draft pick
16. More empty seats means fewer complaints about my body odor
17. Heard captain goes down with ship, not a big fan of Tannille either
18. Was big fan of Extreme, heard their guitar player now M’s shortstop
19. Missed the joy of nurturing intestinal parasites contracted from stadium food
20. Can’t wait to see new cutting-edge goatee and soul patch fashions
21. Bandwagon fans should finally be weeded out
22. I bought counterfeit season tickets to see this counterfeit team… with counterfeit money!
23. I’m a member of the ownership group — suckers!
24. Want my enthusiasm for football rekindled

Anyway, be the coolest kid on your block.


8 Responses to “New USSM Limited Edition T-shirts up”

  1. dnc on March 1st, 2006 1:26 am

    I think you’re blocking out about 50 losses in number 11.

    Not that I blame you.

    Also, #20 is listed in your top 10 as well.

    Otherwise, sweet stuff. #1, 5, and 6 are my favorites.

  2. DMZ on March 1st, 2006 1:32 am

    I fixed #20. You’re now clear to puchase one.

  3. zzyzx on March 1st, 2006 5:12 am

    Why is the spouse version $4 more than the singles version? Married people have to explain buying the t-shirt after all.

  4. DMZ on March 1st, 2006 8:28 am

    Pricing’s fixed. Also, for some reason the back design on the singles version was only showing at 3.5″ (no idea). So they’re ready to order now.

  5. Evan on March 1st, 2006 10:59 am

    192-132? What team have you been watching?

    I’m probably not going to buy a shirt this month (I haven’t had a chance to wear my gay paleontologist shirt yet), but #13 would look good on its own. I also find #18 incredibly funny… partly because my brother looks a lot like Nuno.

  6. msb on March 1st, 2006 11:26 am

    ok, this is pathetic, but #17? Tennille.

  7. Jeff Nye on March 1st, 2006 12:46 pm

    Thumbs up for the Nuno Betancourt reference!

  8. joser on March 1st, 2006 1:05 pm

    Oh, the guy in Extreme is named Betancourt? Ah, I see. Here I thought it was some kind of crazy meta-Spiezio joke. Actually, “Meta-Spiezio Joke” works on so many levels that… wait, isn’t that the name of a band?

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