Gil Meche’s Thanksgiving List; Plus, Idle Speculation!
Even it were not a national holiday, it would have to be a pretty exciting time to be Gil Meche. In a time when Adam Eaton can postulate receiving a $36 million deal — albeit fictionally, in Derek’s exceptional video game sendup — visions of ducats have to be dancing in his head.
Despite it being 4 a.m. in Louisiana right now, we have somehow managed to obtain the text of Gil Meche’s remarks to his family when asked to start the traditional “What Are You Thankful For?” recitation. As you might imagine, he’s shaken out Mr. Bad Feeling with great success.
Evidently, the Meche family celebrates early and often. As well they should. Without further ado, the text of Gil’s remarks:
First, I’m thankful to be blessed enough to play Major League Baseball, which is every boy’s dream.
I also have to give thanks for coming back against the odds from my injuries. People ask me what the most gratifying part was; returning to the game I love, beating the percentages, maybe learning about how much inner strength and resolve I have. Well, all of those are nice. But the best was sticking it to that guy Will Carroll! Yeah! How’s that taste, Carroll? Bitter like Aunt Marge’s stuffing, I bet.
Sorry, Aunt Marge.
I’m also thankful that somebody cares enough to maintain a Geocities website in my honor. Just to be mentioned in the same breath as T.S. Eliot, popular video game character Ico and the elves from Elfquest is a real thrill for me.
I guess I’m thankful that I helped one of the guys from that baseball blog, USS Mariner, win some money during his last trip to Las Vegas. I hear he’s in Japan, now, where there is absolutely no gambling whatsoever, so it was nice to send him off with a win.
What I’m most thankful for, of course, is that I’m one of the hottest commodities on an insane free agent market. I mean, I’m a mediocre, injury prone right-hander, and I’ve been contacted by half the teams in baseball. A third call me their “top priority!” Do you believe that? They’re comparing me to A.J. Burnett, and if they can compare our bank accounts at the end of the winter, I’ll be able to buy both of Will Carroll’s labrums on the black market.
It’s not just teams, either. I have writers from Dayn Perry to Dan Graziano tapping me as a “sleeper!” In a year when Gary Mathews’ kid is getting the Franklin Mint for the decline phase of a bad career, you know what that means. I might not get Mike Mussina money — but would it really be that improbable if I came close? You can buy a lot of gumbo with a multi-million dollar, multi-year deal.
That’s what I’m most thankful for — that and dad keeping his trap shut about “Meche” being French for “Dreifort.”
Um. I mean, what I’m most thankful for is the love of my family.
Stop looking at me like that, mom.
There you have it, folks. The man’s as happy as an American writer in Okinawa. Who can blame him? The question isn’t “will Meche get a ridiculous contract?” so much as “how rich will Gil Meche get this winter?”
In fact, I’ll register a prediction grounded in nothing more than the previous information: I think Meche will get four years, $32 million.
Am I crazy? Is the market? Both?