Papua New Guinea beer update: Ichiro’s devious plan

DMZ · May 26, 2008 at 2:42 pm · Filed Under Mariners 

The efforts of USSM fans to locatePapua New Guinea beer has so far been for nothing: no local beer seller has any of their beers in stock, it does seem that there is no North American distributor for them.

When I made my run around to the places I signed up to check, I felt increasingly like I do about the season: here’s this cool thing we can all do, it’s kind of silly but what the heck, it involves Ichiro and it’s funny, and in a way it pokes fun at our status as stalwart Ichiro defenders here. And it turned into something futile: there’s no way any of us here can get any of those beers, and we’ll have to live with the disappointment.

But no. That’s not it at all.

Ichiro knew.

He’s smart. He didn’t pick Papua New Guinea out of thin air, no. He’s spent enough time in Seattle, he knows there’s no SP Lager here. No, Ichiro wanted us to run up against this obstacle, to stare at it and think “well, I guess we give up.”

Because we have two choices now: we give up, or we find another way. Right now, we’re powerless, defeated, and there doesn’t seem to be much we can do. But there is. This isn’t trying to get to the moon in two days. These beers exist in locations and only need to be moved to somewhere we can affect a purchase. Ichiro doesn’t know how we’ll pull this off, but he knows it will happen, and he dropped this hint for an equally important reason.

Ichiro can’t come out and call for the fans to rise up and oust this inept franchise, to somehow make a change from the people who represent ownership on down. He may even have no idea how it could happen. He doesn’t know how a huge, angry, resentful fan base might pull this off.

But Ichiro has faith in us, in our ability to unite together to acquire crazy obscure beers where there are no local sources to be found, and from that, to go on and affect the larger, even more difficult changes we all know must happen here.

And in each of these victories, cracking open a bottle of potentially delicious beer or watching the franchise build a winning team around our favorite players, will be all the sweeter for having seemed impossible from where we stand now.

First things first: how do we import these beers, or get someone local with suitable licenses to import these beers for us?

Comments

46 Responses to “Papua New Guinea beer update: Ichiro’s devious plan”

  1. Steve Nelson on May 26th, 2008 2:53 pm

    But the issue here is, should we fail, will Ichiro blame this on a failure of leadership within the USSM community? Certainly when he sent us on this quest, he knew this was a team that all analysts would believe could successfully locate and procure SP lager. Ergo, should we stumble in this quest it clearly our failure.

  2. Carson on May 26th, 2008 2:53 pm

    After reading this, I don’t think you need in booze in your blood, Derek.

    Wait, what am I talking about? We can always use beers!

    I’m literally going to open the phone book (or yellowpages.com) tomorrow and call some distributors and such. We will find these beers.

  3. OppositeField on May 26th, 2008 3:00 pm

    This is so great. I’ll check some of my sources in the Denver area. If I find the stuff, I’ll ship a couple of six-packs to DMZ and Dave.

    Thanks for finding a way to keep this season fun, and this blog worth coming to multiple times per day.

  4. thefin190 on May 26th, 2008 3:03 pm

    Here is some fresh SP lager gear on ebay. Maybe you could smuggle some of the merchandise into the game if not the beer itself.

  5. PaulMolitorCocktail on May 26th, 2008 3:09 pm

    The guy selling the two beer glasses is in Olympia. Maybe he knows?

  6. Librocrat on May 26th, 2008 3:09 pm

    I’m not positive, but there may be a chance it is available at an Ethiopian restaurant on 117th and 15th NE is North Seattle. I haven’t been there in a while, but it sounds vaguely familiar. If I go sometime soon I’ll check it out.

  7. melferburque on May 26th, 2008 3:31 pm

    I just shot an email off to the blokes at the Kangaroo and Kiwi pub near Green Lake. They have all sorts of Aussie and Kiwi beers and foodstuffs on tap, maybe they’ll be able to import something from their island neighbours for us?

  8. bunk_medal on May 26th, 2008 3:34 pm

    This site appears to ship SP lager and Nuigini Ice to American customers –

    http://www.pngproducts.com/pngshop/index.php?cPath=20

  9. bunk_medal on May 26th, 2008 3:42 pm

    It’s only $5 for shipping as well.

  10. jefffrane on May 26th, 2008 3:51 pm

    I know I’ve seen South Pacific Export in the past, because that label is unforgettable. According to Realbeer.com:

    From Beer Dave: South Pacific Export Lager from Boroko, Papua New Guinea used to be imported by Pacific Paradise Imports of Santa Fe Springs, California. The bottles and cans had a colorful logo with the bird of paradise on the label. This beer grew fast and furious like the fern bars of the late seventies it was served in. It has been about 10 years since this was available in this country.

    Which would explain why I’d seen it (and not drunk any) in the past. If anyone does have bottles of it sitting around, they’re really old.

    Another reference I came across indicates that the brewery is owned by Heineken but the website for SP indicates otherwise.

    /beer pedantry/

  11. OppositeField on May 26th, 2008 3:57 pm

    DAVECO Liquors, one of the largest liquor stores in the United States, is on the case for us. Just spoke to a customer service rep there. I’ll keep you guys up to date.

  12. Zobmie on May 26th, 2008 4:04 pm

    I’ve rattled off an email to South Pacific Brewery asking for assistance in locating a retailer. I’ll let you know what I find out (if anything).

  13. scott19 on May 26th, 2008 4:07 pm

    If anyone does have bottles of it sitting around, they’re really old.

    And, at this point, probably as stale, skanky and nasty as any old bottles of Billy Beer that might still be sitting around yet in somebody’s cellar somwhere! 🙂

  14. Steve T on May 26th, 2008 4:40 pm

    I’ve got an unopened can of Billy Beer in the basement. Mmm!

    Didn’t some guy in the other thread say he had ordered two cases from that online dealer?

  15. Steve T on May 26th, 2008 4:46 pm

    I just bought a sixer of SP (not Niuguini Ice, I’m not that brave) from the website linked above. They claim 2-4 weeks shipping; based on my previous experience with the slow boat from Australia, I’d say that’s very optimistic.

  16. PaulMolitorCocktail on May 26th, 2008 4:48 pm

    15… be careful, if you click on “Contact” you see:

    Corporate Headquarters:
    Your Business Name
    Your Business Street Address
    Your Business City and Postal Code.
    Business Country

    Tel: Telephone Number
    Fax: Fax Number

  17. PaulMolitorCocktail on May 26th, 2008 4:50 pm

    FYI, the sixth Google search result for “niugini beer” is the original thread.

  18. SABRcat on May 26th, 2008 5:43 pm

    Holy crap! They have Aloe Vera Vodka? Dude! I want to try that! Would that potentially heal your stomach and liver as it gets processed you think?

  19. marc w on May 26th, 2008 5:48 pm

    I’ve bought two sixers of SP and a sixer of Niugini Ice (for comparison purposes).

    This will make some random midweek game in August much more interesting.

  20. bunk_medal on May 26th, 2008 5:57 pm

    I’ve also ordered a six pack of each. I’m in the UK so it could be a long wait, but hopefully it’s worth it.

  21. marc w on May 26th, 2008 6:04 pm

    I really doubt it’ll be worth it in the ‘damn, that’s a mighty fine beer,’ but it’ll be nice to go to a game with a cold SP and have maybe one person in 10,000 get the joke. Or the meme. Or the reference. Whatever.

  22. frannyzoo on May 26th, 2008 6:07 pm

    Being old enough to remember the days when Lowenbrau Dark was considered exotic in my native Texas, I also remember having several South Pacific’s in the colorful bottle. I didn’t know it had largely gone away, but fully support the quixotic attempt here to avoid thought/discussion of “the real situation” via this epic quest. Very MPATHG of you guys…

    And isn’t that what beer is best suited for, anyway? Who needs a grail?

  23. OppositeField on May 26th, 2008 6:07 pm

    What’s the beer of choice for Felix Day? Anybody know any good Venezuelan brews?

  24. terry on May 26th, 2008 6:07 pm

    The irony is that the beer will likely taste like piss.

  25. wrob4343 on May 26th, 2008 6:08 pm

    This site appears to ship SP lager and Nuigini Ice to American customers –

    http://www.pngproducts.com/pngshop/index.php?cPath=20

    It’s only $5 for shipping as well.

    Its ironic that its that easy. Such a simple solution bunk_medal… Maybe the Mariners just need to get on ebay and find a new president front office and new players.

    If not I am sure in Kentucky we will have a connection that can get us that beer. Everything the ATF has jurisdiction overflows aplenty in this Godforsaken state.

  26. wrob4343 on May 26th, 2008 6:11 pm

    I am only slightly retarded…. I didn’t intend to block quote all of that. Maybe that also is irony. I had a good idea to quote bunk_medal and continue speak to the irony of him so easily finding a solution and then somehow i didn’t do it right and screwed it up altogether…. hmmm

  27. brian_sun on May 26th, 2008 6:17 pm

    I doubt Ichiro knew we couldn’t find a beer from Papua New Guinea in the US. I doubt 99% of the people in this country even know where Papua New Guinea is or is that even a country, let along beers from that country. In fact, if you can’t find it in Australia, I doubt you can find it in Japan. So how does he know they even produce beer in Papua New Guinea? After all, Pupua New Guinea is one of the poorest countries in the world with many of its population still live in the jungle and live in primitive stone age. Maybe Ichiro is just throwing some obsure country’s name out of the hat when he talk about beer.

  28. frannyzoo on May 26th, 2008 6:24 pm

    Opposite: The terms “good beer” and “Venezuela” do not go together. The biggest beer I remember is “Polar”, which is bad even when you’re on a beautiful white-sand beach surrounded by scantily-clad beautiful Venezuelan women and you’re on your 15th Polarito served from an ice-cold ice bucket under a dazzling azure sky.

    Bad.

  29. pinball1973 on May 26th, 2008 7:39 pm

    I’m abstaining from any comments, for at least a year, directly connected to the team to which this site is dedicated, but I do check in to pick up other baseball info and rumors that might indicate Ichiro’s career will not be one w/o another visit to the playoffs.
    However, I was delighted by his comments and give the site a most heartfelt round of applause for this campaign. I found a import food place that can get canned SP (likely from the same distributor posted above, since the price is almost identical – 2000 yen a six-pack) in 3-5 weeks.
    Thanks for the levity in an awful season for me as a fan, here and in the majors.

  30. G-Man on May 26th, 2008 7:46 pm

    Do they sell this beer in Australia?

    I have a friend coming back to Seattle from there on Friday.

  31. DMZ on May 26th, 2008 9:09 pm

    I doubt Ichiro knew we couldn’t find a beer from Papua New Guinea in the US.

    Ichiro’s smarter than all of us, so I’m going to go ahead and give him the benefit of the doubt, rather than doubt him.

    I doubt 99% of the people in this country even know where Papua New Guinea is or is that even a country, let along beers from that country.

    Ichiro is not 99% of people. Ichiro is 1/humanity of people. He knows things. He’s Ichiro.

    In fact, if you can’t find it in Australia, I doubt you can find it in Japan.

    This list of things you can’t find in Australia you can find in Japan is uncountable.

    So how does he know they even produce beer in Papua New Guinea?

    He’s Ichiro.

    After all, Pupua New Guinea is one of the poorest countries in the world with many of its population still live in the jungle and live in primitive stone age.

    And Ichiro, in trying to draw attention to their neglected beers, seeks to help draw them sustainably into a world with innoculations and potable water supplies.

    Maybe Ichiro is just throwing some obsure country’s name out of the hat when he talk about beer.

    Please. This is Ichiro.

  32. Greybear on May 26th, 2008 9:51 pm

    Having family who work for the Liquor Control Board, I can say positively that any state liquor store will take a special order. The minimum purchase is one case. They’ll usually have it within 2-3 weeks, though some really arcane requests take longer. If 3 separate orders come in, they’ll stock it for a while just in case.

    I’m just sayin.

  33. Red Apple on May 26th, 2008 9:56 pm

    Ichiro is not 99% of people. Ichiro is 1/humanity of people. He knows things. He’s Ichiro.

    This list of things you can’t find in Australia you can find in Japan is uncountable.

    Someone should tell Mrs. Zumsteg that Ichiro might be channeling through her husband.

  34. housedjbo on May 27th, 2008 12:01 am

    I hear the guy that owns the stumbling monk on Belmont and Olive way has some sort of guarantee that he can find you any beer being produced in the world. I’m sure he could imposr some for you

  35. SABRcat on May 27th, 2008 12:38 am

    Final update for Los Angeles City (not Greater). No go captain. Though in my trips I picked up some Glenfiddich 18 yr single barrel, some Carlton Draught (always wanted to try this since I saw the awesome commercials a few years ago on the webz), and a ton of Kirin Ichiban, cause I love it and it reminds me of home.

  36. Clyde on May 27th, 2008 3:26 am

    I can’t find it here in Australia. That is not a good sign for the quality of the beer…

  37. deflated on May 27th, 2008 9:20 am

    For anyone north of the border you can always wander in to any BC Liquor store and they will happily order you a case of beer from anywhere in the world, just hand over the address of the brewery plus cash or equivalent. I’ve picked up all sorts of odd beers in their big store at Cambie & 41st from unclaimed orders.

    However having tasted SP Lager many years ago I can’t quite bring myself to order the stuff, no matter how noble the cause. Ichiro went right to the bottom of the pile when he picked his beer.

  38. Carson on May 27th, 2008 9:22 am

    Okay, I have found out there is a Laos restaurant in Seattle, and my frined thinks she may have seen this beer before. She is looking up the name of the joint. I’ll be calling them to see if they have it.

    Aside from that, she doesn’t think having a family member back home ship some to me is a hot idea. I tried, though.

  39. marc w on May 27th, 2008 9:36 am

    Why would a Laotian restaurant or people have an inside track to SP lager?

    We have a solution, people – it was posted above. No need to buy a case. Shipping’s $5. This puzzle has been solved (uh, pending delivery, of course…).

  40. Steve T on May 27th, 2008 10:25 am

    There IS a much greater likelihood of finding the beer in Australia than Japan. PNG was part of Australia until 1975, and ties are still extremely close. It’s just a few miles from Australia’s Cape York and nearby islands, while Tokyo is more than 3,000 miles from Port Moresby; it’s almost as close to Anchorage as it is to Papua.

  41. SABRcat on May 29th, 2008 12:54 am

    Just talked to a friend living in the Gold Coast in Aussie-land. He’s never heard of SP or Niugini Ice. Looks like online ordering or grouping up to order a case s about the only options.

  42. Carson on June 1st, 2008 1:41 pm

    marc w – SP Lager is distributed to Laos. I know someone from Laos. She thinks she may have seen the beer before.

    Make sense?

  43. rexonandres on June 26th, 2008 12:48 am

    hi everyone! CHMsupersound is selling beer in one of their site, visit http://www.pngproducts.com but i think its under maintenance at the moment, will advice you soon when its ok

  44. rexonandres on June 26th, 2008 12:49 am

    oh! and their selling sp and niugini ice as well

  45. DMZ on June 26th, 2008 12:53 am

    Yeah, we noted that in the eighth comment way up there. I ordered some.

  46. Steve T on August 5th, 2008 2:30 pm

    An update:

    I ordered some SP Lager from CHMsupersound on May 26th. They got it on the boat on June 28th, and it arrived in LA on July 31st. It’s being held up by US Customs and the FDA. In order to get it out, I’m going to have to sign up with the FDA’s Industry Systems program and fill out a million pages of paperwork (something called a Prior Notice application), and a power of attorney to the shipper, and then I’m going to have to write a letter to US Customs begging to be allowed to bend the rules just for this once, and then I’m going to have to pay NINETY GODDAMN DOLLARS to the broker.

    I’m abandoning my shipment. Screw you, US Customs.

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