Game 61, Mariners at Red Sox
Felix, the Guy Who Gets Held Back, against Bartolo Colon and a scrappy team of bare-knuckled brawlers who get beat up by the even scruffier likes of Jonny Gomes. Hey, yeah, a brawl! It’s what winning teams are doing! Brawl! Brawl! Brawl! That’s exactly what this team needs to fire itself up.
Wooo! Yeah! Get ‘em! (this was on Awful Announcing)
Because we sure do need something to get this team together, right? Especially since they didn’t get a new manager for this road trip. I want some entertainment for my entertainment dollar! I want some fireworks! Explosions! Giant flames! Escapes in the nick of time!
If you’re like me, skip ahead to ~1:20 here
You’re welcome. But let’s say you don’t have the budget of the world’s largest military. What could you do with, say, 8% of the cost of a stealth bomber?
$117,666,482 sure does smoke nicely, doesn’t it? And it comes with its own kind of fireworks! But I know many of you have had a hard time trying to keep up with the recriminations, tantrums, and public finger-pointing the team’s been favored with over the last week. I’ve created this handy chart to help:
If you can’t pick out the pattern, check out the full-size 2008 Seattle Mariners Blame Allocation Org Chart.
Felix Day! One of the few remaining things we can cling to that are truly great about the team! Yayyyy!
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127 Responses to “Game 61, Mariners at Red Sox”
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That —- is hilarious. I’d give anything for another McLaren “rampage”.
All the “hubs” on the allocation chart have way too much outgoing blame and not enough incoming.I do appreciate the Bavasi auto-blame loop, though.
I am getting great comedy watching the teasers for sportscenter and how they think the brawls will affect them. What will cure them is a nice, easy 3-game sweep of the M’s by a combined 28-4. Come Monday, this won’t even be an issue. 6 games and counting for Johnny Mac.
This article was on the Huffington Post today, just in case anyone from Mariners management missed it there:
how-to-admit-your-mistakes.html
Also, re: Mac’s rant… did anyone see the Onion’s version of Ozzie Guillen’s lineup card?
Hilarious, but a bad word or two.
Next year, the M’s should remember to install a rocket-assisted ejection module.
Just, y’know, in case.
There should be a red line leading to “those darn blogger nerds”, too!
Had there been a rec button, I would have recommended this entry.
Dang, that is one graphics-stuffed post! Was it also a test drive for the new and improved USSM plumbing or something?
I’m not used to seeing anything but text, towels and cute animals…
That chart is awesome.
I understand Cairo is close to signing a four-year, $64 million contract.
Our problems are over!!!!!
Vidro batting fifth.
Does anyone know why they stopped playing Balentien?
Balentien was ‘working with the hitting coach’ last I read.
Did one of McLaren/Bavasi/Armstrong blame Cairo twice? He has four arrows, but I can’t find an end point on anyone but those three.
If Vidro keeps moving down the lineup, he will be batting ninth by Tuesday and on the bench on Wednesday.
Nah, he’ll just wrap around and start working his way through the lineup again from the top.
Sad thing is, when Silva complains there are guys who are content to get two hits on a night and call it okay, there’s only three implied-blame arrows. Only three guys who could be guilty of the crime.
LOL. I think that chart is the funniest thing I’ve ever seen on this site.
At first I thought it was just a joke until I looked closer and saw all the lines that reflected things that really happened, e.g. Washburn & Johjima, etc.
It’s pretty hilarious, but is it really funnier than the brawl from yesterday?
This site is a treat.
Pre-game: it’s an old droning white man in front of a bright green backdrop…McCain? No, McLaren. Not a good connection for either John.
That chart should be posted in the dugout and consulter periodically like the line-up.
Vidro walks over, thinking to himself “hmmmm who caused me to pop out weakly to second?”
Then he sees the chart: “$%#@!, Cairo says I suck and am costing him RBI opportunities!!! That no good so and so got here first!”
“What can I do about that?”
“I know! I’ll just pencil in Putz for not closing out the game in the fourth inning like I suggested! That will show them I have veteran leadership!”
So Bavasi took the towels away after the last game because he was so upset at the team losing. I guess that makes sense in a way; if he’s not throwing in the towel on the season, he’s going to make darn sure the team doesn’t either.
The chart is excellent! BLAME WOOOOOOOOOOOO!!
Rhodes blames Morrow? Is that true?! Sounds like cause for a folding chair to the dome.
That chart is a masterpiece. They should teach it in statistics class — “but teach, what does it mean?” — “It means … suck”.
Okay, I’m pathetic. I’ll take that.
You know this lineup almost makes sense. Flip Vidro and Betancourt, Sexson and Johjima, and you’ve got a decent lineup out there.
Boy, these Tigers pitchers…
Wait, that was a long time ago.
And that run too.
Colon just keeps getting funnier looking with age. At least his hair isn’t as large as it used to be.
Well, decent within the limits afforded by the Mariners’ roster.
There isn’t any such thing as a decent lineup with Vidro or Sexson in it.
So the M’s score one run on an error and another on a groundout. Professional hitting!
I wasn’t able to watch games when Reed first came up, so I’m just seeing him the past couple of days, and I must say, what happened to that fresh-faced young man?
He looks ridden hard and put away wet. Although I suppose hanging onto The Bigs by your fingernails must be stressful and ultimately aging.
Eight players were suspended for that brawl!
from espn.com
NEW YORK — Boston outfielder Coco Crisp, Tampa Bay pitcher James Shields and six other players were suspended Friday following a pair of altercations at Fenway Park.
Shields
Crisp
Three Red Sox were suspended: Crisp for seven games, pitcher Jon Lester for five games and first baseman Sean Casey for three games.
Major League Baseball disciplinarian Bob Watson penalized five Rays: Shields for six games, DH-outfielder Jonny Gomes and pitcher Edwin Jackson for five games, outfielder Carl Crawford for four games and second baseman Akinori Iwamura for three games.
Why couldn’t it have been Manny that was suspended?
33 – for what? Fighting with his team mate in the dugout? LOL.
Thanks to all of those replays, I now have to go change my pants.
The only person who could get away with using the fake word “thusly” was W. C. Fields — and I choose to hear his voice when I read it in the comments here.
Damn that J.D. Drew…Felix had a no-no going. Prick!
You don’t think that Monty Python could get away with using “thusly”?
Interesting news out of Texas:
from rototimes.com
The Rangers have cut ties with Sidney Ponson for what GM Jon Daniels calls “disrespectful and adverse reactions to situations unbecoming of teammates,” according to the Dallas Morning News.
Our View: It’s not clear yet what Ponson did, but he has a history of a volatile temper and rubbing his teammates the wrong way. He was 4-1 with a 3.88 ERA in nine starts, but his 1.56 WHIP and 4.0 K/9 rate suggested he was due for a fall back to reality.
Hey, Richie, they’re cheering you! ….oh….oops….
I love Dan Wilson, but his “analysis” leaves much to be desired.
Wow, my first look at Sexson’s open stance…it looks like he could try bunting for a base hit at any moment.
Yeah, the Manny-Youk fight should be tossed in the eye of every “chemistry” advocate. Oh, wait, that’s good bad clubhouse chemistry, because it’s on a winning club. If the Red Sox were losing, that’s how we’d know it’s the bad bad chemistry.
I don’t ever want to be seen in public with a case of Keystone Light.
Whee, that was quick.
There should be a red line leading to “those darn blogger nerdsâ€, too!
The team is trying to pretend they don’t exist. I mean, hey, they’ve been doing that with all sorts of modern baseball concepts, and it seems to be working out for them, uh, nevermind.
Meanwhile…
“disrespectful and adverse reactions to situations unbecoming of teammates,â€
Isn’t that pretty much McLaren’s press conference in a nutshell?
That blame chart is priceless. Ah, I see the Sox gave us a couple of runs. Probably still won’t be enough. Maybe they’re just trying to be fair.
Anyone else think Mac’s rampage seemed forced? The angry man thing just doesn’t work for him.
Based on his swinging strike numbers, it is pretty impressive for Felix to get Youkilis swinging.
“Wow, my first look at Sexson’s open stance…it looks like he could try bunting for a base hit at any moment.”
No kidding. It’s like watching the bastard son of Mickey Tettleton and Stretch Armstrong.
He seems to be standing further off the plate, or is it me? Sort of makes sense, because with his old stance, he looked as though he was trying to swat the ball off the handle.
The bunt from the catcher for a base hit–I guess there’s a reason why some teams looks like chumps trying anything and why some teams are WS champions.
This post “iss beautiful, man” [in Pedro Cerrano voice]
So while I was ruefully perusing the SI “rankings (and finding, not surprisingly, the M’s at the bottom for the second week in a row, and probably not the last), I noticed this nugget about the Tigers:
Even the teams the Mariners make look good don’t look very good.
(And yeah, that’s English, though not good English. Call it Mariner English).
On a side note, that fight was GLORIOUS
Thanks for not making me regret praising you, Felix.
Ah, Felix. Enough to keep me interested in this benighted team.
J. Lo is hotter than the real J. Lo – or are they both real?
Come on YUNI Hit a double!
a single would be good now to!
Colon was distracted by the hot dog vendor when he threw that ball.
well 3 runs up is better than 3 runs down.
Niehaus just thought that was a home run … sigh. I love him unconditionally.
Mariners should pick up Ponson! Send them Sexson.
That was Dave N’s fault. He said Vidro was looking for a clutch hit. Who can stand up to that kind of pressure?
I’m not so sure about this new call-up, Vidro. I think he needs to hone his skills in a lower pressure environment like Tacoma.
[Kelley]
Is Felix okay after the first?
I love reading the game logs sometimes (from the Seattle Times).
Kelley (not Kelly) is a damn fool. He’s exactly like Bavasi; it’s probably why he gets to talk to him so much. It’s all macho bullshit. “Be accountable” — accountability is not what’s wrong with this team. Lack of ability to play baseball is what’s wrong with this team. Chemistry, 25 cabs, all that baloney means NOTHING if you’ve got a lineup full of Sexsons and Vidros.
[Kelley]
Don’t get me started about Kelley.
Ichiro!
Bashing Clay Bennett is shooting fish in a barrel. Kelley isn’t that great of a writer.
Ichiro! is another reason to keep watching. Along with Yuni. And some others. I guess that’s why I can’t give up Mariner games–the team sucks, but there are still the individual flashes that make it worthwhile. Be nice if they’d cut down the groaner to cheer-for ratio, though.
Kelley is a hack, and he knows nothing at all about baseball. He makes Bavasi look like Bill James squared when it comes to analysis. Kelley’s the kind of guy who thinks that looking at On-base Percentage makes you a faggot.
Doesn’t that involve a priest?
Well, the Bavasi-Kelly axis is pretty much a joke.
Colon vs Vidro = Battle of the Shlubs.
Big Sexy even comes through.
This game is so nostalgic for me. This is how Boston used to play when they were my favorite team. I know half the starting Sox are not playing tonight, but I’ll take a win for the Mariners in whatever ugly way it’s handed to us.*
*Dear Baseball Gods, I am not in any way assuming the outcome of this game.
M’s already at 97% WE. I didn’t think they could get that high until after the game.
Who just said “no question about it?” Was that Wilson channeling Blowers?
I like the not give up of runs and all, but couldn’t Felix do it with fewer pitches?
Okay, now it’s time for a 7-run inning by the Sox.
81: Felix could do it with fewer pitches, but he isn’t facing the free swinging Seattle Mariners…
How ’bout a ground ball here?
Thanks Felix.
At 105 pitches, does Mac let Felix out there for another inning?
Beltre doesn’t swing at the low-and-away pitch! Rejoice!
I wouldn’t do it. The score isn’t close and I don’t have faith in Felix finishing the 7th with fewer than 120 pitches, which really does begin to put a strain on most pitchers’ arms (Randy Johnson excluded maybe).
It would have been funnier if you used the women’s bathroom logo for Willie.
I was just thinking about how much grace time this win buys McLaren. I looked back at the “Pocket guide to McLaren firing dates” thread, but that doesn’t factor in everything that we need to consider. I think we are capable of a much more advanced formula to calculate this date. Factors should incluse wins, losses, quality starts, runners stranded on third with less than 2 outs, etc. etc.
I don’t even know what to say. Where are my Mariners, and what have you done with them?!?
I don’t think it will buy any more grace than our last two victories over Boston did. Why not? Because after we beat Boston 2 of 3, we lost 5 of 6. And that’s ’cause we aren’t much good.
Will there be a buffet tonight? Do I get a towel? Do I need to call my valet?
Da team…
I am commenting only because, with an 8-0 lead over the Red Sox, we should really have at least 100 comments.
Green looked awesome.
Is Putz getting warmed up? Time to make this game a close one!
RRS!
Why am I selfish enough to want a shut-out? I should be praying they hang on to win.
BTW, I feel ashamed every time I click the post button, because I haven’t come up with a comment I’d describe with pride. Perhaps that’s why we haven’t it 100 yet–the pride issue is keeping the yammering down.
Prediction: We will see two days of delusional hope emerge from this game. “Richie Sexson has found his swing!” “Team has passion!” “Ichiro settles for only one hit, for the sake of the team!”
You need to work on developing your skill at the fine art of self-deception. Then, you’ll have no problem being proud of any old thing.
Yay. And: this “contributed to the discussion thusly” thing is annoying. Can we kill it yet?
seriously. Everyone knows there’s only 1-2 posts/game thread that actually contribute to discussion.
The rest is constant fawning over what perfection Turbo is.
What??!!
I just checked out the score at mlb.com
I nearly peed
Tirades after every game from now on!!!
lol
hahaha well played
I wish I could be USSM famous
I’m pretty sure the mariners number 1 talking point this year is “One win can go a long way”
Except it doesn’t.
I’m with you, Lauren. Even if I’m apparently annoying you by saying so.
I believe that “___ annoyed Lauren by saying” is what the kids nowadays refer to as being “pwned.”
I missed the game but just checked out the boxscore. Did Sexson really get 3 singles? When was the last time that happened? Has the new stance turned Sexson into Ichiro (without the speed)?
Derek is clearly on acid.
Who here thinks they should move Dickey into the starting rotation and put Batsta into the bullpen….
I hope I’m not annoying Lauren by suggesting this..
Hmmm..just watched Doyle hit a double for Philly..could end up being the game winning run…
nice..way to go Snelling!
108:
Dave said on the radio broadcast that Sexson’s RBI(s) today were his first non-homer RBI’s since April 25th. But that isn’t all his fault since he spent 1/4 of that time on the bench, while that dynamo we call Miguel Cairo was tearing it up in the starting lineup.
110:
Silva has been pitching much worse lately than Batista, while of course I scoff at ERA and BA as effective tools for projecting performance, they are useful in measuring results; Silva had a 11.00 era and a .395 BAA in May. But you do have a point: Batista may actually be effective in the bullpen, not so Silva.
I was at this game sitting in grandstand section 18, which is just at the edge of the backstop mesh in the section furthest from the field at Fenway.
That may have been the worst home game the Red Sox have played this season. 3 (really 4) errors. No hitting at all the few times the Sox started anything vaguely approximating a rally.
For some reason, the Red Sox seem bent on prolonging the tenure of McLaren and Bavasi. Yes, Felix is very good. But the Mariners lineup is not. The Red Sox have played their worst home game and some of their worst baseball on the road against the Mariners. I just shook my head at Colon and Lugo and Pedroia not being able to get together on simple plays and Lowell’s two bizarre screwups.
I don’t know if it was, in any way, the follow up to an emotional game but they looked like crap. And I’m quite tired of them looking like crap against a fairly unimpressive (please, take no offense, I don’t mean to be a provocateur) Mariners team.
114:
You refute yourself, it was incredibly impressive for this Mariners team to score 8 runs, no matter how much help they got.
I’ve got a friend who’s a huge Sox fan, John T, and last couple of seasons, she’d rant about the way they’d lose to bad teams like Tampa and the Orioles. Since both those teams are much better this year, perhaps the Mariners have slipped into the role of Soxslayers.
That, or they exhausted themselves in that brawl.
(Thank you for the glowing firmament’s return. I feel much more comfortable.)
James T, I mean. (No glow at all, it turns out!)
Ambivalence is such a curious thing, currents of pleasure and dislike forming a hybrid sentiment. There I was watching the Sox losing ignominiously 6-0 and Javier Lopez give up a couple more. I suppose I could have felt exasperation or frustration. On some lower level of consciousness I know that those feelings were there. But I so *hate* Javier Lopez’s continuing inclusion on the roster and Terry Francona’s fetish for utilizing the execrable Lopez that I felt almost an even measure of joy in Lopez’s surrendering a couple runs.
Another target of Soxfriend’s scorn–Javier Lopez. I figured the Sox had given up the game when he was sent in. Has he ever not given up runs?
The organizational blame chart is perfect! I am still cracking up about it. I love the arrow that comes from Bavasi, makes a u-turn, and heads right back in his direction. Brilliant!
Haha. Dammit! I would complain, but apparently (and I didn’t realize this until now, curiously) I annoyed myself by making the original comment. Shut up, me!
Is it just me, or does RRS (at least in this picture) bear an uncanny resemblance to DMZ?
http://sports.yahoo.com/mlb/players/7476
It’s just you.
Well, I sure hope RRS doesn’t grow a goatee, because I think he looks too much like Cy-flash-in-the-pan Eric Gagne already.
Fairly unimpressive? That’s the nicest thing anyone’s said about the team all year.
Dickey vs Wakefield
Big Brown doesn’t have sh*t on this match up.
Trips me out. I wanted to watch the Belmont Stakes but had forgotten about it but I read that link about the annoyed Lauren inside joke and saw Big Brown mentioned and it reminded me about the Belmont Stakes and turned on the TV and the race is about to start.