The new M’s caps
You may have been saying to yourself “I’d love to go out wearing my Mariners cap, but it’s just not embarrassing enough to wear the logo of one the worst, most ineptly-run franchises in baseball, where the worst hitter in the game gets to DH and bat fourth every game. What if there were something uglier? Something that ties the team into a gaudy commercialize patriotism. Like… the baseball equivalent of a Lee Greenwood song.”
I know I have. If so, our wish has been answered!
Did you just throw up? A little, maybe? Because I can show it to you again.
Plus, it’s not just a craven attempt to exploit fans into buying a new cap for $35. Oh no:
A portion of proceeds from all caps sales will go to the Welcome Back Veterans fund
You might wonder what portion that is, exactly.
Newspaper Tour Guide: And each paper contains a certain percentage of recycled paper.
Lisa: What percentage is that?
Newspaper Tour Guide: Zero. Zero is a percent, isn’t it?
Sorry, wrong quote.
It played out with Uni Watch like so:
MLB PR czar Rich Levin glared at me like Iâ€™d just hocked a loogie in his cappuccino or something. â€œThe answer is that that hasnâ€™t been determined yet,â€ he growled. â€œBut this is a charity initiative â€” it isnâ€™t about generating revenue.â€
â€œIâ€™m not suggesting otherwise,â€ I responded. â€œBut thereâ€™s a certain level of cynicism out there among some fans, so I was giving you a chance to clarifyâ€¦â€
â€œWe reject that,â€ he snapped. â€œWe reject the cynicism.â€
I don’t have a lot to add to that Uni Watch post: these kind of things really annoy me.
But what’s absolutely amazing about this is the raw, unmitigated cynicism of MLB, that they’d launch patriotic themed hats ostensibly to benefit a worthy veterans charity and be totally unprepared to tell anyone what the participation is. I’ve got a pretty dim view of humanity and this shocked me. How could you do this? How do you go lower than this? Are the caps ugly because the program’s ugly? Is this branding a warning by someone on the inside, trying to keep us from falling prey to this program?
I hope. Anyway, I’d humbly suggest if you’re interested in supporting the cause, just go to welcomebackveterans.org and donate directly. They’ll get almost 100% of the proceeds from that action.