The Onion continues to mock our misfortune

DMZ · July 29, 2008 at 8:36 pm · Filed Under Mariners 

Mariners Improve To Eight Games Over .300


18 Responses to “The Onion continues to mock our misfortune”

  1. abender20 on July 29th, 2008 8:39 pm

    make that 7 games over .300

  2. edgar for mayor on July 29th, 2008 8:40 pm

    Spot on!

  3. dsmiley on July 29th, 2008 8:45 pm

    The race to the first draft pick continues!

  4. Carson on July 29th, 2008 8:47 pm

    That article wasn’t very funny.

    The one where Yuni tried to flee back to Cuba was funny.

  5. Mike Snow on July 29th, 2008 8:50 pm

    Implicit in that article is a little bit of pedantry. Most accounts of a team that is 66-54 will say that team is “12 games over .500” because it has won 12 more games than it has lost. This even though it would only be six games ahead of a .500 team in the standings, because you only have to change six of those wins into losses to turn this into a 60-60 squad.

    Anyway, you all know this and probably figure it isn’t worth getting hung up about. But the thing is, using the pedantic approach, the Onion’s headline was actually accurate (at the time it was written). Maybe the quotes weren’t real, but the story was.

  6. MG8222 on July 29th, 2008 8:50 pm

    They should hold tryouts for the Mariners at Safeco Field this weekend

  7. RallyFried on July 29th, 2008 8:54 pm

    Maybe the quotes weren’t real

    After reading Riggleman’s quotes about Vidro at DH, if you didn’t know this was an article by the onion, you might accept them as real.

  8. soggys on July 29th, 2008 8:55 pm

    Speaking of funny, seems as though Julio Mateo has been using some homemade ‘funny’ money to pay for cab fare in Albuquerque.

  9. DAMellen on July 29th, 2008 9:01 pm

    Oh, the Onion. Thank God they’ve given us something positive from this season of ballsass.

  10. BigB on July 29th, 2008 9:03 pm

    Saw this last week. Also hilarious is the article about CC and Prince Fielder. Classic. Although I must say the “Redskins acquire replacement Taylor” is too soon.

    Mocking the M’s? Not too soon. Let’s be honest… not soon enough.

  11. WardP on July 29th, 2008 9:22 pm

    The headline is brilliant.. the article less so.

    If gallows humor is all we’ve got, bring on the planks and the ropes.

  12. MattThompson on July 29th, 2008 9:25 pm

    To be honest, the best bit of Mariner mockery this season was about a month ago, on “Wait Wait, Don’t Tell Me.” In a show done from Seattle, the host was mentioning things Seattle is known for. “Not sunshine,” he said, to a courtesy laugh from the audience. “Not baseball,” he continued, to a very loud, universal and indignant “Oooooh” from the crowd. Loud and indignant enough that he instantly felt the need to add “Not this year, at least.”

    It was enough to give me hope that at least the NPR crowd still thinks of this as a baseball town.

  13. Teej on July 29th, 2008 10:14 pm

    I have to say that the Onion has really fallen off in the past couple of years when it comes to news, but their sports stuff has more than made up for that.

  14. greenwood ave on July 29th, 2008 10:32 pm


    Yeah, that CC/Fielder article was funny. I would’ve liked to have seen a reference to Fielder’s vegetarian ways, though. Here’s the link in case any else is interested.

  15. John in L.A. on July 29th, 2008 11:25 pm

    Although I must say the “Redskins acquire replacement Taylor” is too soon.

    The article linked on that page was awesome:

    “Report: NFL Had Previously Warned Sean Taylor About Spending Quiet Evenings Alone At Home”

    It’s rarely too soon… it’s just that the funny has to have a higher threshold and be pointed in the right direction. It can’t just be “Hey, what does this button do?” jokes.

  16. SanFranciscoMariner on July 29th, 2008 11:59 pm

    This Onion story about our old friend the “soft-throwing, crafty” Jamie Moyer is an instant classic.

    Jamie Moyer Change-Up Arrives At Home Plate After Long Journey.

  17. praetore on July 30th, 2008 12:12 am

    A source tells the New York Post that a deal that would send Jarrod Washburn to the Yankees is “dead.”

    according to this, the mariners asked for too much

    add that to the list of misfortune

  18. msb on July 30th, 2008 9:59 am

    Jamie Moyer Change-Up Arrives At Home Plate After Long Journey.

    ah, the old commercial where Dan WIlson talks to the batter as the Moyer pitch dipsies its way to home plate …

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