Game 64, Mariners at Padres
Felix Day! Yayyyy! Against our hated natural rivals the Extremely Boring San Diego Padres. During the draft, I was bugging Dave (because he didn’t have enough to do and I was watching my super-fortified version of USSM do pretty well against the unwashed internet hordes (you)), and we both kept cracking up when Harold Reynolds would go off on the Padres, who he insisted needed to draft an athlete because they were boring.
a) draft coverage is amazingly hilarious (why do they have charts if all the players are off the charts? Can’t they just get larger charts? of course the guy just drafted is a ballplayer, that’s why they don’t draft mascots, though that might help the boring Padres)
b) he was totally right. You think the M’s are boring? The Padres are super-boring. They’re the unwatchable Mariner teams of recent years boring except they don’t have Ichiro, who I guess is a clubhouse cancer after all now that the team’s swooning, though he wasn’t holding them back when they were doing well… I’m confused again. Anyway.
It’s interesting that the Padres hit a little better than the M’s, but the M’s play vastly better defense and have better pitching. Imagine the 2004-2005 Mariners with one more hitter and two fewer pitchers. Actually don’t, it’ll only hurt your brain. So Betancourt’s back in the lineup too, which is… behind Lopez? And Gutierrez is eighth?
I don’t understand. If anyone can explain why Gutierrez, who with no bat is still somehow hitting better than our middle infielders, doesn’t get moved up the order, can you please let the rest of us in on the secret?