Jeff Sullivan · January 18, 2014 at 3:03 pm · Filed Under Mariners 

Justin Smoak is arbitration-eligible. On Friday, the Mariners and Smoak exchanged salary figures, with the team offering $2.025 million, and with Smoak requesting $3.25 million. The likelihood is that this won’t get all the way to arbitration, and that the Mariners and Smoak will settle somewhere in the middle. The Mariners have pretty much always settled. But what follows is an example of what an arbitration hearing between a team and a player is actually like.

Arbitrator: I’ve got $2.025 million from the team.
Arbitrator: And I see $3.25 million from the player.
Arbitrator: Gentlemen, you are free to proceed.
Team side: Last year, the player ranked 18th among first basemen in home runs.
Team side: He ranked 62nd overall. He finished below J.P. Arencibia.
Team side: Among first basemen he was 30th in RBI. There are 30 teams.
Player side: SMOAK BOMB
Team side: He was 151st among all players in runs scored.
Team side: He did not steal a base.
Player side: FIYAHHHHH
Team side: 123 qualified players finished with a higher batting average, out of 140.
Team side: All but three players finished with a higher average against lefties.
Player side: DON’T!
Player side: QUIT!
Player side: SMOAKING!
Team side: Over three years, 146 qualified players have more hits.
Arbitrator: I find for the player. $3.25 million.


10 Responses to “Arbitration”

  1. Westside guy on January 18th, 2014 4:04 pm

    Hadn’t thought about Smoak at all for quite some time.

    Now I’m depressed.

  2. NorahW on January 18th, 2014 4:33 pm

    Why is he still on the team again?

  3. Longgeorge1 on January 18th, 2014 7:19 pm

    Cut him – NEXT!

  4. r-gordon-7 on January 19th, 2014 10:07 am

    All this and the Player Side didn’t even have to play its irrefutable, I-fit-the-Mariners’-Business-Plan, ace-in-the-hole card:

    Player side: BOBBLEHEAD!!!


  5. taylor.mariner on January 19th, 2014 1:36 pm

    Put that in your pipe and smoak it.

  6. stevemotivateir on January 19th, 2014 2:42 pm

    You blew this one, Jeff. Who would actually believe the M’s are smart enough to find those numbers and use them to their advantage?

    More likely the arbitrator rules in favor of Smoak based on the sheer stupidity of the M’s for their willingness to keep him around.

  7. SpokaneMsFan on January 20th, 2014 2:11 pm

    This is hilarious. That is all.

  8. Snuffy on January 20th, 2014 5:03 pm

    If Smoak plays then somebody sits. The M’s look to be going with Ackley in CF. Ackley runs well but does not get much of a jump on the ball and his routes are poor. Ackley does not have a good OF arm except if used in LF and he can’t hit well enough to get in the lineup as a LF’er. Morrison may play LF or DH & Morrison is a well below average defensive LF’er. That means Hart will be in right or DH. He was average before he hurt his knees but that was then and this is now. Gutti will get time in LF or RF if Hart or Morrison DH. Gutti is too injury prone for CF at this point. Of course Gutti is hurt most of the time. Almonte can be a good filler but at this point he is not more than a 4/5 outfielder. He is also #3 on the team defensively behind Gutti & MSaunders. So… just like last year, MSaunders gets a ‘Wedgie’ and that is BEFORE the M’s make the mistake of signing Nelson Cruz… and I’d rather have Cruz than Smoak. This is going to be ugly. The only long term winner here is MSaunders, and then only if he gets traded to a team that will actually play him.

  9. Ron on January 21st, 2014 1:38 pm

    Surprised the player side didn’t have to pull out the “SMOAKAMOTIVE” argument. guess they gave them to other the other two arbiters to keep them occupied.

  10. naviomelo on January 21st, 2014 5:59 pm

    These transcripts are Jeff at his best. Love it!

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