With the Mariners coming back for a homestand, we need to review a few things.
Conduct for Being on the Real One Video Screen
- Realize you’re on the video screen, jump in seat
- With one arm, point at the video screen
- With free arm, hit the person next to you while yelling “look, look!”
- Wave towards the video screen
At no time should you spot and wave towards the camera that is filming you. Act as if it is the R1VS that is watching you directly.
Now you may be wondering “Derek, how do I get my mug on the Real One Video Screen at Safeco Field?”
Getting Your Mug on the R1VS
- For fans with life partners:
- Procreate or adopt an early-stage procreation of another human
- Evaluate early-stage human for cuteness: do people on the street stop and say “My, what an attractive and sympathic helpless toddler you have there” or something similar? If not, retreat a step and procreate again or adopt another early-stage procreation of others.
- Bring infant human to the game.
- During half-inning breaks, hold infant human up and bob child to the music.
- Sell child to newly interested infant human dealers and bank profit. Repeat as needed.
- For fans without life partners:
- Buy a set of 5 tickets or more.
- Find out where local high school girls hang out. (Hint: ask local waitresses for tips)
- Give all tickets but one to attractive local high school girls. Screen to select those with proclivities to show their bellies.
- During half-inning breaks as attractive local high school girls are put on camera, camera will pull back slightly to show larger section of the crowd, including you.
- Optional: While they bask in glow of stadium-wide attention from males, determine if any of them are of legal age in Washington and attempt to make them your life partners, so that you can produce cute progeny and continue to dominate the R1VS between innings.
Hope this helps!
Mariner pitchers with events as a percent of approximate batters faced (omits stuff that’s not in ESPN’s main pitching stats page, like HBP):
NAME abfp h% hr% bb% k%
Freddy Garcia 180 20% 4% 9% 14%
Ryan Franklin 173 23% 4% 8% 9%
Joel Pineiro 167 20% 2% 11% 13%
Jamie Moyer 156 22% 3% 10% 20%
Gil Meche 154 21% 3% 6% 21%
S. Hasegawa 70 17% 0% 7% 14%
G. Carrara 67 25% 3% 9% 10%
Julio Mateo 60 18% 3% 8% 22%
Arthur Rhodes 57 16% 0% 9% 21%
Jeff Nelson 47 26% 4% 4% 28%
K. Sasaki 45 31% 2% 9% 24%
R. Soriano 7 0% 0% 14% 43%
Team line is 21% hits, 3% HR, 9% BB, 16% K. Note that while Kazu turns up as being the superior pitcher in K/9, Nelson is clearly the better and more dominating of the two relievers.
Fun secondary stat for the day: I looked at the number of batters it takes each Mariner pitcher to record three outs. Low, obviously, is good. High was Kazu with 5, Carrara was 2nd at 4.7, followed by Pineiro, Moyer (4.4), Garcia..Meche was at 4.2, and Arthur Rhodes was the lowest of all at 4. I find that really interesting, because it means that to get through an inning, Kazu on average sees two batters get on base (or circle them at a lazy trot).
Minor League Highlights for Sunday, May 4
Tacoma was rained out in Iowa, and the two teams will play a double header today to make up the lost game. LHP Craig Anderson and RHP Scott Atchison are scheduled to start for the Rainiers.
San Antonio 10, Wichita 7. This is getting a bit ridiculous, don’t you think? One day after scoring 21 runs on 25 hits, the Missions pounded out 17 hits to win their 15th game in a row. 3B Jose Lopez (normally a middle infielder) and DH Chris Snelling (normally an outfielder) each had four hits in five trips including two doubles for Snelling, who drove in three runs and scored once. Lopez scored three times and is now hitting .333/.379/.482 — he could be in Seattle sooner than you think. 1B A.J. Zapp added three hits including his 9th homer of the year, tops in the Texas League. RHP Clint Nageotte was the beneficiary of this offensive outburst, going to 4-0 on the year despite not pitching well (5 2/3 IP, 4 H, 5 R, 3 ER, 4 BB, 4 K, 2 HR, 2 HBP). RHP Jared Hoerman (1 IP, 0 H, 0 R, 0 ER, 0 BB, 0 K) picked up his 8th save of the season.
Inland Empire 6, Modesto 3. Double your pleasure, double your fun. The 66ers used seven doubles and a late rally — two runs in the 8th, one in the 9th — to pick up the win for RHP Emiliano Fruto (3 IP, 1 H, 0 R, 0 ER, 1 BB, 4 K), who appears to be thriving in his new relief role. CF Greg Jacobs, DH Richard Pohle and 3B Hunter Brown each had two hits, including two doubles for Pohle. Seven of the team’s ten hits were doubles. C Chris Collins, getting a rare start behind the dish, drove in two runs with his second double of the year. RHP Jared Thomas worked the first five (4 H, 3 R, 3 ER, 5 BB, 8 K) and RHP Mike Steele (1 IP, 2 H, 0 R, 0 ER, 0 BB, 0 K) was credited with his 7th save. In prospect news, RF Shin-soo Choo has cooled considerably since his hot streak upon being inserted into the leadoff spot in the batting order. The young Korean has slumped to .233/.327/.444 on the season.
Wisconsin 6, Dayton 2. Wisconsin got back in the win column Sunday after losing back-to-back games following their 8-game win streak behind the pitching of LHP Bobby Livingston (7 IP, 7 H, 2 R, 1 ER, 1 BB, 2 K). RF T.J. Bohn homered and was one of four players — 3B Matt Hagen, LF David Delucchi, DH Christopher Phillips, Bohn — with two hits in the game. Hagen doubled and scored twice, while Delucchi doubled, scored and drove in two. RHP Renee Cortez (1 IP, 0 H, 0 R, 0 ER, 0 BB, 1 K) and LHP Cesar Jimenez (1 IP, 0 H, 0 R, 0 ER, 0 BB, 1 K) each worked a perfect inning to close out the game, and now have ERAs on the season of 0.96 and 1.86, respectively.