Raul Ibanez compared to the Weighted Companion Cube
November 27, 2007 · Filed Under Mariners · 38 Comments
I realized today I had this draft sitting around, and since there’s nothing else afoot…
| Ibanez | Weighted Companion Cube | |
| Immobile | Y | Y |
| Compensated for efforts | Millions of dollars | Piece of cake* |
| Under the right circumstances, invaluable to victory | Y | Y |
| Irrationally beloved | Y | Y |
| Clubhouse inspiration | Y | Y |
| Joins you from | Kansas City Royals | Vital Apparatus Vent |
| Loyal | N | Y |
| Available as plush toy | Presumably | Soon |
| Baked as a cake | No as far as we know, no | True |
| Good interview subject | Y | N |
| Presence | Y | Y |
|
Veteran presence |
Y | N |
| Doesn’t want to be a burden | N | Presumably yes |
| Brings you good luck | ? | Y |
| Career ends when euthanized in Aperture Science Emergency Intelligence Incinerator | N | Y |
* cake is rumored to be both delicious and moist, however, so there’s that.