Raul Ibanez compared to the Weighted Companion Cube

November 27, 2007 · Filed Under Mariners · 38 Comments 

I realized today I had this draft sitting around, and since there’s nothing else afoot…

  Ibanez Weighted Companion Cube
Immobile Y Y
Compensated for efforts Millions of dollars Piece of cake*
Under the right circumstances, invaluable to victory Y Y
Irrationally beloved Y Y
Clubhouse inspiration Y Y
Joins you from Kansas City Royals Vital Apparatus Vent
Loyal N Y
Available as plush toy Presumably Soon
Baked as a cake No as far as we know, no True
Good interview subject Y N
Presence Y Y

Veteran presence

Doesn’t want to be a burden N Presumably yes
Brings you good luck ? Y
Career ends when euthanized in Aperture Science Emergency Intelligence Incinerator N Y

* cake is rumored to be both delicious and moist, however, so there’s that.